3 posts tagged “woman”

I'm a wuss. I'm blaming it on whatever blocked estrogen I had before I had my baby.

Before I became a mom I was told that my estrogen levels were off and if I wanted to start a family 9x's out of 10 I would have to seek some type of fertility solution. Obviously I defied the odds. Yet the aftermath seems to be leaving me a hormonal wreck.

Before baby, my menstrual cycle was practically nonexistent. So I really didn't have to suffer through the aches of PMS, the actual menstrual, and post menstrual. When it did occur, the cramping was pretty bad and I was a bit irritable but that only lasted for a day or two.

After baby, everything seems to have regulated on its own. The estrogen floodgates seem to have opened. The cramping is pretty low key before and during. However, the PMS is bad. The irritability is there. My appetite increases. Then the tears.

I cry at just about anything.

For the past week I've been crying while writing, listening to music and watching movies.... children's movies. This week I managed to catch the Disney movie "Meet The Robinsons" on cable (cute movie by the way). I sat back on the couch with the Snickerdoodle and laughed pretty much through the whole thing, until Lewis (the main character) discovers who he really is. My tears start rolling towards the end as Lewis gets a chance to revisit his past and ops not to disturb it. What made this a bit funny was me trying to quickly wipe away my tears before the Snickerdoodle looked back at me. Children do sense these things. Still I was too late. She saw me in my tears and I started to chuckle only making my chuckle turn into more tears.

My tears continued rolling as Lewis got to redo his present and pretty much lived happily ever after. I cried at the song that was playing during the whole closing scene and as the screen faded to an interesting quote about "moving forward" by Walt Disney.

Then I laughed at myself for crying.

Oh gawd I sound crazy. 

Later that same night I ended up looking at "Waiting to Exhale" for the umteenth time.  I've NEVER cried while looking at this movie before, but all of the sudden I was practically ready to boo hoo at the whole Angela Basset and Wesley Snipes scene as they bared their souls to one another. Then I cried as Lela Rochan bared her soul to Whitney Houston at the water park.

By then I wished that this crying spell would break. 

I cried as I found old baby pictures of myself and realized that the Snickerdoodle IS my carbon copy. It's almost erie that when I look at her I DO see me and vice versa.

I cry when I think, which has been hindering me a bit in finishing up a project that I'm working on.

I'm just a big wuss right now.

I feel like crying now, but the only thing that is stopping me is writing about it.

Why couldn't PMS be more of a happy thing? Instead of your hormones getting the best of you they should work with you and for you. Make you feel energized. Happy. Basically the extreme opposite of what it currently does.

I know this wussy phase won't last long.

I just hate to see it come and sit.

I think there is a lot to be said when the only sanity I've been able to find lately are moments alone with my daughter and sitting down to write (blog, novel, short stoary, whatever)

For the past few days I've been FA & FO - or as I've been calling it.....

Fucking Annoyed & Frankly Offended

My 'TUDE started late Tuesday evening, when I received a phone call from a DC Government Agency - namely the Dept. of Health. It was in regards to some business with some health benefits for my daughter... yadda yadda.

I could live with the business aspect of the call, but the rude or uncalled for comments from the lady on the other end of the phone set me off completely.  Hence, why I fired off an Open Letter and posted it on all my blogs and on Craigslist. Needless to say, the responses have been interesting and disappointing, leaving me to feel even more FA & FO.

Today, as I helped my aunt take care of her business, I was even more FA & FO at the fact that today was a waste of time.... her time and the other people that had to be pulled into today's event.

I don't even really want to get into that.

Right now, I know... my head hurts and my cramps are kicking... making me even MORE FA & FO. My patience is short for a lot of things going on with me directly and indirectly right now.

I'm just done.

I'm done with ignorant people

I'm done with half assed help

I'm done with utter bull shit

I'm done with game, scams...whatever you want to call it.

I'm done with those who are recognized for their writing talent, folks who are out there, when I'm just as good (or better) and still can't get any "air -time" (maybe this one is on me)

I'm done with these elections

I'm done with Black vs. White, Man vs. Woman

I'm done with this whole Barak Obama "The Choosen One, Rock Star, Hip Hop Movement" SHIT!

I'm done with folks who discredit (Hill) Clinton with her accomplishments - especially when she (like her husban) fought for rights, lobbied for issues for the common man.

I'm done with John McCain's tired ass.

I'm done with "Dubya" fucking up this country abroad and domestically

I'm done with broads who have good men by their sides but still aren't satisfied and go to "greener" grass, when that other grass is really brunt to the crisp.

I'm done with divorces

I'm done with people who try to "1-up!" me - what the fuck for?

I'm done with my next door neighbor's turbo engine in his Mitshibishi that shakes the whole house

I'm done with Sunday drivers

I'm done with tears

I'm done with being a woman

I'm done with being this fucking talented without a unique niche

I'm done with this post.