4 posts tagged “washingtondc”

I was in the middle of my creative writing class with Medina yesterday when my Blackberry kept vibrating. A couple of times it was just the annoyance of emails coming through, but then came the phone calls. First, a call from home. I didn't answer, figuring if it were something important or something wrong my mom would call right back; otherwise she would leave a message. She left a voicemail but seconds after her call my cousin "T" calls. I picked up thinking something was wrong. Turns out cousin T was inviting me out for the evening to see a fashion presentation she was giving in the midst of DC's Design Week at the Boffi Studio in Georgetown for the PechaKucha event.

We conversed for a few. She sent me the details via email.  I read the email over on my Blackberry and contemplated. It's a LOT going on this week... homecoming... work projects I have to indulge in, another paper and another assignment. By the time yesterday (Thursday) came around I was feeling worn out and burnt out. However, I wanted to go and show my support since my cousin personally invited me and was looking for me to attend.

The presentations were slated to start around 6:30 pm with my cousin going on about 8. My classes aren't over until 5 and once I get home after dodging rush hour (and homecoming for this week only) traffic it's nearly an hour later. I came home and immediately felt sluggish as I piddled around doing my "mommy thang" - giving the Snickerdoodle her dinner and her night bath. Once I got the Snickerdoodle straight for the evening, I somehow mustered the energy to shower and get all gussied up to go out.

Nevertheless I was late and missed ALL the presentations. However, what followed after was a reception/networking social that turned into an after party in Level 2 lounge located behind and below the studio in Cady's Alley. I stayed with my cousin, her boyfriend and her friend as we mixed and mingled with Washington's up and coming creative designers in various fields with various backgrounds. For a few moments I felt like a fish out of water. I was a writer amongst architects, interior designers, fashion designers and a little bit of everything creative that falls in between; photographers, graphic designers and design consultants. The more I talked with people the more I began to feel in my element...with my brethren.

Roughly the crowd was in their 30s or that "young and restless" crew, we all at one time had fairly decent jobs but QUIT them to pursue our dreams and to some degree what most of us feel is our calling. Some of us are making out okay with steady income; some of us are still trying to find our footing as we are viewed as "starving artists."  The common thing I found was WE LOVE WHAT WE DO, even in the struggle of a tough economy. Even more common, most of us (well at least the folks I spoke with) are originally from the DC area and we are passionate about bringing a diverse creative culture to the city. DC actually has one, but it's so underground and out shadowed by the political fanfare that occurs here. There is more to DC, the city itself, than the federal government.

For the first time in a while I felt like the social butterfly I can be when I'm not being withdrawn or so far into my own work and personal issues that I miss a moment to breathe and experience life...other people. After all I am only a quasi-socialite. I enjoyed the connections and even attention I was receiving via the camera man. Yeah, there were moments when the atmosphere seemed a bit superficial with everyone looking so young professional, or having a bit of the artsy quirky flair sipping on a vodka/champagne punch concoction and later moving to gourmet bar food and martinis. But for some reason I didn't mind the superficial so much as I connected with genuine people. What seemed superficial was just the bling-a-tude or accesory for the evening. Which is to be expected at such a setting...come on... it's Georgetown.

I made it home around 4 in the morning, ready to crash. I honestly don't know how I made it through the day... the evening working on little to no sleep. I was up the previous night working on a paper until 8 am the next morning - just in time for me to get ready to head to campus for the day's classes. Thankfully, my Friday's are free. So I had all day to spend with the Snickerdoodle, conducting a little business from home and taking in catnaps when the window of opportunity was there.

Now I have to brace myself for tomorrow. To attend or not to attend any of the day's homecoming festivities in the rain.

How much of a die-hard Bison am I to do this?

It's safe to say that I, like millions of others, find myself in shock and speechless about yesterday's passing of Michael Jackson. What's crazy is I use to "fear" this day. Meaning, I use to wonder what the WORLD would do in reaction to the news of a Michael Jackson death. I seriously use to wonder about this as a kid.  I suspect that Michael Jackson's funeral (at least memorial service) will be very public and world wide. I wouldn't even be surprised if he received some kind of "state" funeral (or something like it) with accolades galore."

I'm an 80's baby. So I never got to experience "Little Michael" say like someone in my aunt's generation, who use to play her Jackson 5 albums to death; especially the song "ABC." When I came on the scene it was merely on the heels of his "Off the Wall" album and "Thriller" was not long behind. The rest [as they say] is HIStory. Fortunately I grew up in the era of Michael's "glory" days, when he was solidfied and a bonifide pop icon. So I feel rightful in standing in line with millions of others and make the claim I grew up with and on Michael Jackson. Though I never been to a Michael Jackson concert, I have the video footage from documentaries and such on his life that show the crying and overwhelmed fans passing out and being carried out at the shows. It WAS that deep...at least for them.

Obviously, I didn't know Michael personally or any of the Jacksons for that matter, but still my heart has been feeling kind of heavy. This week has caught me off gaurd completely, but it's more than Michael's death and even the deaths of TV personality Ed McMahon who passed earlier this week and actress Farrah Fawcett who passed hours earlier before Michael after a long fight with anal cancer. Maybe what rattled me this week was the unbelievable and indescribable local news (that went national) of the two red line metro transit trains that collided. Dozens were injured and nine people parished; two included a retired general and his wife my father knew from The Gaurd. Maybe what really did it was news of my next door neighbor, who was entering his home and was jumped on by some teens and pistol whipped in an attempted robbery the other night, while I've been in the house alone with my 2 year old for nearly two weeks now.

Nevertheless, in wake of the recent events, I can't help but feel reminded and faced dead on with the reality of immortality. On the day of the train accident, a fellow school-mate of mine (who is in his early 20's) updated his Facebook status to say he was on one of the trains in the accident, but wasn't injured, just in shock. Someone responded to his comment with "it wasn't your time."  Yesterday I thought to how Farah Fawcett was determined to beat her cancer and looked forward to a victory of living cancer free. Her plans took her as far as Germany where she met and had a team of doctors working with her on the latest treaments unknown or unauthorized in The States. Then I thought how Michael Jackson came out this passed March to proclaim his final curtain call will be concluding with a series of concerts given in London scheduled for this coming July. How odd is it that Michael Jackson and the unsuspecting folks in the Metro accident made their own plans - like the 23 year-old mother and owner of a beauty salon leaving work and was on the train in route planning to pick up her kids - but God had another plan....

That seems to be the nature of human beings, always planning and strategizing in an effort to control our life.  Yet something more powerful than us is in control and sadly it always takes something so catastrophic, such as the trifecta of death, to point this out. 

Curious to know other thoughts concerning Michael's death, I did something I haven't done in months. I looked up a former friend's blog as she has been documenting her Christian/spiritual journey. I was curious to know her spin on this and to see another Christian's perspective on the recent nationalized deaths of three celebrities and the nine local, everyday people who were lost in the train wreck (especially, since she rides that exact line and route to and from work).  Nothing posted on current events, but instead I stumbled upont her entry "At a Crossroads," where she breaks down four different roads people take in life.

1. The Yellow Brick Road: where she states the obvious of how people who have "made it" or reached a level of success and think it's all God, but really it's a faux life. Meaning, people who reach this status have all the materialistic gains of such a life, but there is still a void, because God isn't fully (if at all) in their lives.  She qoutes Psalm 14:12 (NIV) - "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to destruction."

2. The Road to Nowhere: here she breaks down how this describes people who are stuck right at the their crossroads in life. Instead of making a move they sit and spectate and acutally maybe comfortable in during so. She quotes: Leviticus 26: 13-20 (NIV) - "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.

 'But if you will not listen to me and carry out all these commands, and if you reject my decrees and abhor my laws and fail to carry out all my commands and so violate my covenant, then I will do this to you: I will bring upon you sudden terror, wasting diseases and fever that will destroy your sight and drain away your life. You will plant seed in vain, because your enemies will eat it. I will set my face against you so that you will be defeated by your enemies; those who hate you will rule over you, and you will flee even when no one is pursuing you. "

 'If after all this you will not listen to me, I will punish you for your sins seven times over. I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze. Your strength will be spent in vain, because your soil will not yield its crops, nor will the trees of the land yield their fruit."

3. The Road of Darkness: here she talks about the folks who basically get to their crossroads and walk backwards in their life journey. They may even reject the word of God; the "mentally and spiritually screwed up" as she refers to such individuals. She quotes Romans 1:28 (NIV) - "Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. "

4. The Road to Enternal Life: basically this is the life in which God has you in His care, if you choose Him and this road. Ironically she quoted a verse that I have kept close to me ever since my Aunt VJ preached on it (the whole chapter) during her initial sermon a year ago - also the day after her (step) son's passing. It was such an emotional and bittersweet moment in my life. Deutoronomy 30:19 (NIV) - "I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live."

How surreal this keeps coming up in my life?

Recently I had the opportunity to interview a talented, business savy, indpendently produced singer for an online music publication. My conversation with her felt so reaffirmming and pretty much a testimony to what she has accomplished in her life and continues to do so.What's even more admirable is that she is working with TWO callings on her life, but has been blessed beyond words can imagine to connect the two and make it work; teaching students with special needs AND singing/performing. After my conversation with her and eventually writing up the article I found myself wishing to be something like her.. so confident and walking with that stride of I-may-look-as-if-I'm-in control-but-God-has-it.. totally. It was the same confidence I saw oozing from Ledisi a couple of weeks ago at the Carter Barron, when she proclaimed that she was "taking you to church in the juke joint." And she did... really. Granted I don't know these singers on a personal level, so I don't know all their struggles and dealings, but it's not hard to see when someone is oozing with that I-got-God confidence and REALLY have it.. I mean REALLY... you can FEEL IT!

I went back to a year ago to that March when Aunt VJ preached her sermon. This is what I had to say then:

Aunt VJ preached from the perspective of how folks can be the walking dead - living a life under the wrong spirit and allowing unnecessary suffering to enter. Choosing God allows life and light to come into your life and bring an unfounded peace. Life is different when you have divine peace.  For me, her message actually coincided with my pastor's message from today - about unlikely candidates of being used/blessed by God.  Earlier in the day I attended my own church and was hit with a reaffirming message that my life does have a purpose. Also, that pain is a part of life and the blessing in pain or hitting a deeper low is being built up. He used the analogy of tall buildings having a deeper foundation in order for it to be supported properly and able to withstand the strength it is built upon.

I would like the think the recent pains happening in my life - from dropping a friend, my grandmother's battle with depression and pre-dementia, becoming restless with this last stage of school, trying to remain sane and patient as a mother and a few other things - that a breaking point and a blessing is near, depending on me of course...if I choose to lean and stay with God. Why else would 2007 be the calm before the storm; even sending me WARNINGS via dreams about swimming and such. Then BAM! the latter part of 2008 and on into 2009 I'm right in the thick of things, shedding more skin, exposing all of me.. the good, bad and sometimes maybe the ugly. Cleansing. Swimming.

What's ironic is that part of the pain was loosing a connection to my former friend; so much so to the point where she stopped really caring and understanding because all she saw was "darkness" in me and I couldn't hack her sometimes true, but sometimes very off the mark observations about me. I think she wasn't ready, because she's never seen the worse of me, but I actually saw it coming. So I removed myself in hopes that it will give us a chance to both grow with God, but not together as a way of not to hinder since we're moving at a different pace. God is working on us differently.

I'm saying all of this to say that again my life has been jarred, but to the point where I don't want all that I do to be for the wrong reasons or even in vain. Going back to school, when I did, was RIGHT ON TIME. However, at the start of last semester I use to think it was the right time because it was my time (my plan of action), but as the semester moved forward I began to see it was the right time because it was God's time. I realized I wasn't ready to deal with the journalism/communications industry fully or to the point where I thought I was. The climate of the industry has changed dramatically with new media reporting coming in at a fast pace and being an all-in-one journalist is in high demand. It is only now that I'm finding out what I'm really made of and if this is one of the blessings or callings that God has for me or was this something that I planned on my life.  Strangely, or maybe not so strange, moments ago I just received a phone call about participating in a project for next year to help set up a press conference. The grant and proposal was being written up as I spoke to the person working on the team. A bit nervous, but with excitement I said yes.

What's funny is that as much as I can't stand anyone with control issues, I have them too. I don't control others, but I try so damn hard to control my life. Honestly I should know better, especially given a few life events that I have been able to testify about where it wasn't me... it was God. This I know for sure.

Still, it's like the old saying "man makes plans and God laughs."

As for what I "wish" I had in regards to that confidence I witnessed a few days ago....

Ironic I stumbled about another proverb. I was digging in my laptop bag when I came across a slip of paper. It was a proverb another friend of mine would have at the bottom of his email as a signature. I liked it to much that I printed it out, cut the paper down to the quote and taped on my comuter at work when I was in the federal government.

It says, "Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect; it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections"

Though I love this proverb and its message I would like to think God's plan is bit more than that. That his ultimate goal is that being happy has to do with Him and with him, everything is perfect because He is with us.. He resides within us. I believe this is confidence is in me, but has been dormant for a while, probably cause I choose to by letting life get to me instead of seeking and leaning on God - continuously.

My crossroad(s) are filled with the four points as outline by my former friend. Unfortunately I've traveled down two of the roads mentioned; The yellow brick road and the road to nowhere. I don't believe I've been down the road of darkness. Granted I've had my bouts with depression, but I've always sought God but what probably didn't help were the times when I added my on imput, my control of the situation. The road to enternal life.... I stare at it and have I really started walking on it? What's funny is as I think about it.. I also think back to one of my new favorite cable shows... Nurse Jackie.

In the opening episode, Jackie is going on via monologue about how nurses are seen as saints and throwing in a little philosophy and theology behind it - especially when people know the difference between right and wrong. One line jumped out at me as Jackie basically rationalizations she knows what's right, but may opt to do the wrong thing in the name of morals. Then she concludes with "don't make me right just yet God." The whole monologue was kind of deep. Granted the show is fictional, whose main character is addicted to pain killers and having an affair, but what's weird is that I sometimes feel like that. As if I know what's right, but for whatever reason I fear I sometimes find myself saying something along those lines... "don't make me right just yet God." As if God is suppose to wait on me and work on my time and schedule. Again, control. 

I believe this is what 2009 has been about for me. Recognizing my control issues (among other things) and eventually letting it go. What's the biggest thing I need to let go and relenquish control of? My pride.

Pride is such a hard thing to let go, especially when you used it to survive (your way) for a very long time. I could probably write a book about how my pride has helped, hindered and hurt me and those around me. It's an old friend that seems to be in permanent residence, perhaps hindering me from walking that enternal life road.

Nevertheless... I'm working on it...

I've been keeping this close to me since I incorporated into something I wrote a year ago. I believe it's my favorite. My reminder of my constant and ever evolving being.

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you." -  Philippians 3:12 -15 NIV

So what is it about sitting on the stoop or in front of your house on a gorgeous spring and summer day? My mother thinks it's ghetto. Maybe in a way it is, especially in relation to my block. Though I live in the city, with the exception of the public housing complex down the street from me and a corner store here and maybe there, my neighborhood is very residential. Lawns, yards, parks, trees, houses, mini mansions, cherry blossoms, semi-detached homes and ajoining homes. Even though this part of DC holds its own affluent residents and special appeal there are still traces of real city life; i.e. people sitting on their stoops - porch or not.

A few years ago a single mom and her three young children lived across the street from us. The children would spend all their time in front of the house, despite the fact that they had a nice size backyard. Other than the occassional climbing the neighbor's tree, the children pretty much stayed on their own front, but it did baffle me for a while why they didn't play in the backyard. Especially as they displayed the typical "urban" picture of braiding each other's hair on the front steps.  

Growing up, me and the neighbors my age pretty much played all throughout our yards. However, there was Mikey and his crew that would run their skateboards up and down our block and rode them clear right on to the Ridge Road Rec Center on a good day. A smile actually graces my face when I think about those days. One of Mikey's friends still comes around. Grown of course. Comes back to see his grandparents and mother that still live on this block. One day we had the opportunity to speak - on the account he had received some of our mail by mistake. Took him a minute for him to remember who I was - some little "bratty" kid in Osh Gosh that use to watch them skateboard and taunt them, hoping they would fall over. Still, we did more than just play on our fronts.

Oddly enough, today as I took the Snickerdoodle outside to play, I didn't want to head to the back of the house to sit on the newly built deck.The deck is nice, but..... not my element. At least not today.  I wanted to be on the front.  As I watched over the Snickerdoodle as she ran around in the yard and rode her tricycle it hit me why the front is so appealing.

Community interaction.

Neighbors working in their yards stoping to have a chit chat. Teenage kids walking up from Simple City or the bus stop down the street, cutting through our streets to head home or to the "rec." Interesting to overhear their "gift of gab." Neighbors from a block over driving, take a second to blow their horn, wave and wish you a good day.

Then there is the true tell-tale sign that warm days are here and the promise of more are to come.........

The thunder of the bikes and ATVs.

Though those dudes and chics mostly profile as they ride up and down the street for hours, it's part of the interaction. Spring (and summer) would be so lost without it.

I missed these warm days....

It's these days I savor the most cause they don't last. They never do.

Though I'm trying really hard not to let it bother me, this summer is making me a bit nervous.

I've spent much of the semester hustling for internship prospects for this summer. The scheme of things is "suppose" to work out like this; complete spring semester, internship this summer, complete last semester of school this fall, be declared "graduate" in December and walk/participate in graduation in May (2010). That's how my advisor and I had things worked out at the beginning of the semester.

Now it seems that world of internships, at least in the realm of magazines, is highly competitive. If not before, it's gotten extremely tight, allowing only a very small selective few in. My heart.. my heart... was set on the Washingtonian Magazine. It's one of my favorite reads. I practically study it. The internship boasts of writing small articles, research concentration and it pays. Though I revamped my resume, became creative with the cover letter, had my feature writing professor (editor of a national magazine) look it over and sent in my BEST clips displaying feature writing I was turned down via a generic email response.

"Thanks for your interest......overwhelming response.....unfortunately...."

I showed it to my feature writing professor who asked me to give her everything I mailed to them. She would send it to the editor personally. That was merely a month ago and still no (second) response. Since that time I've been applying to other publications, beating their deadline only to be served with the same response concerning overwhelming applicants and "unfortunately..."

I've been mulling over the option of writing a letter of interest to an editor with the Washington Post. Last summer I applied for a job with the Style section. The editor and I sent a couple of correspondence to each other when I didn't get the job. I asked what exactly was she looking for and she told me. Since then I've kept her email and lately I've been contemplating (a bit too hard) on what to say in regards to seeking an internship or even and apprenticeship under her.

Frustrating to say the least.

Of course what's making me a bit nervous is money. I would like to keep my reserves up while I have the chance. However freelancing seems a bit scary nowadays in this economy. I've been reading up on other freelancers via their blogs or published articles on the matter. So far it seems to be a 50/50 chance of survival. You either have it or you don't. It seems that well established freelancers can deal with this tight(er) economy than say.. someone like me... still starting out (or an inch or two above a starting point) and feeling their way.

I've been toying with the idea of even doing a part-time temp gig during the summer, to keep me busy (so I won't going totally insane as a stay-at-home-mom) and to help a bit financially.  

Either way, I feel something is out there for me this summer. I just don't know what. That's what is making me nervous and bit fustrated.

Gotta go feed the kid then.. on to Jill Scott's detective series on HBO.......