10 posts tagged “ramble”

A barage of thoughts are attacking me at once. Bare with me please as my thought cantankers get to turning again and some truth serum is injected into my head.

On Being Accountable......

I'll start with my Vox blog neighbor Jenn, who posed the question to her blog neighbors "When did you learn to be confident and to become accountable for your actions?" It was a loaded question, but the truth was staring me in the face. So I came clean.

P.S. I added a little more to the comment that was orginally posted on Jenn's page.

Good question Jenn!

Honestly, It is an everyday process with me. There is no exact moment with me. I have momentS. One of the hardest moments I had to face was coming to grips on why I left my last full time job. The boss and I didn't get along business wise. This was a bit obvious. When I left I mainly put the blame on him for being an a-hole. Granted he could be one as a business man running his own company, but as a person outside of the business I did respect him and almost felt understanding towards him on why he is the way he is.

When I resigned, things ended on a very bad note between us, with him threatening to take me to court on a matter. Through all of that I never truly owned up to may own mistakes on the job. I thought I did, but how sincere was I? I was really caught up in the negativity he threw my way. So finally in doing some internal thinking, meditation and prayer I recognized my faults and stopped putting the total blame on my resignation on him. Even though he played a role, I did my part too.

Still, in leaving that job I did realize it was for the best. I did start to feel certain regrets only because I saw so much potential in the job he had given me, but I almost felt like I failed the mission, because I quit. So the mission was never completed and it never got to grow, or I didn't get to cultivate it like I knew I could. 

I had already left that job with my head held high and with the attitude that I can and will find another full time job, even one where the environment wouldn't be hostile and the pay would be ten times better than what he was giving me - which was way under my worth. So I never fully lost that confidence in myself. It was just being accountable for my faults with him and the job.

Still, as I said, this is an everyday thing. Because I'm sure I do slip - intentional or not - in not wanting to see or face the music of my actions.

On Having Something To Prove......

The other night I was forced to ask myself what is driving me lately. I asked myself this question, because the previous night Brandon and I were engaged in some mindless chit chat when he shared with me a job link.  The job link called for special assistant position in the mayor's office.  As I read the description it was basically an administrative, gopher and chauffeur position. I was a bit livid at Brandon for sharing such a job with me. I didn't let it show though. I simply said "Heeeeeeeeeeck no."

His response: "You should consider it. It would be a great job, a way to make wonderful connections."

Okay, one... since my family and I have become politically involved in our community and have developed a personal relationship with the candidates we have backed/worked for, I pretty much know who is who and who is full of shit. I know behind the scene things about my mayor and how his office is runs. Also, based on my experience in working in a "front office" on the FEDERAL level I know how crazy and off the handle things can be.  So really making connections wouldn't be a problem for me in or out of the mayor's office. However, I'm picky about who I want into my professional fold as I am not a suck up or even as aggressive as some folks are when it comes to meeting and greeting other professionals. 

I was livid with him because I feel that I've done my run as an administrative person. I've stretched my journalism wings and I simply feel it's time for me to run with it - which I have been doing off and on since being a stay-at-home mother. Furthermore, even though my resume mentions my time with the federal government, it speaks VOLUMNS in the writing/journalism realm. I've told Brandon this before, but he figures in practical thinking. A job is a job and that I can always fall back on my admin skills to make money. I appreciate his help but sometimes it urks me that all he does is send me info on secretarial/administrative things. It's almost as if he doesn't believe in me and what I can I do or all that I have done. I know it's not really like this as he is very supportive of my endeavors but .. DAMN!

To understand my livid-ness, one would have to look into a flashback I had right after our discussion. I was around 20 or 21 and still working in the federal government. A lady who worked in one division was detailed to work on my floor in the front office. On her first day on my floor, my supervisor took her around to do introductions. When it came time for her to meet me I never felt such a rage, a pang in the pit of my stomach and hurt all at once. It was indeed my very first encounter with a person who was indeed a phony and perhaps a bigot. My supervisor did a wonderful introduction as she told the lady I was a student working on a journalism degree. The lady took one look at me and without saying hello or any other kind word she flat out said,

"You will never be anything but a copy girl."

Excuse me! Did I hear this lady right?  I didn't move. Neither did my supervisor as she stood still and even more dumbfounded as me.  The lady made it her business to repeat herself.

"It will be hard for you to be anything but a copy girl doing what you are doing now, xeroxing."

I don't remember what thoughts were running through my mind. I just remember it was racing as I stared the lady down. This lady knew NOTHING about me. She didn't know I had already been published with a cover story in a local newspaper. This lady knew NOTHING about me beyond my appareance, but wanted to predict my future. Before I knew anything my head was shaking "no." Soon my vocals followed.

As I stared the blonde fake tan on pale skin hater down I shook my head and firmly said "No," and walked out of the office.

I never forgot that incident and truth be told, I don't think I ever will. Though there have been many changes in my life since then and I feel another renewal and burst of motivation in finishing school, every now and then I think back to that day. The day the hater dumped on me. It has been a major driving force among other things. Hence why my pride won't take, consider or look at any secretary, executive assistant, administrative assistant, receptionist, "Copy Girl Friday" positions. I am something much more.

On Becoming a Mentor.....

For the past couple of days my aunt has been looking after the daughter of one of her cousins from her father side of the family. "KeKe" is roughly the same age as my lil cuz. So she is about 7 or 8 years old. Since I've been back and forth in running errands for my aunt and grandmother I've been around KeKe as well. It wasn't until after my visit with them today that I began to ponder a bit more about KeKe.

Not that there is anything wrong with her, but do feel some concern. I noticed how she appeared to be bored (even admitting to it a bit later) with my lil cuz and the neighborhood boys he plays with. I also noticed how drawn she is to the Snickerdoodle whenever we are around. I didn't think much of it before, since she has played with the Snickerdoodle on several occassions. However, today I really paid attention as KeKe was eager to help me get the Snickerdoodle in and out of the car. She even took her for a little a walk up and down the street in the stroller as if she was the Snickerdoodle's big sister.

My concern is I wonder if KeKe has any female friends her age that she plays with on a daily basis. I know she is pretty much surrounded by boys as she does have a 13 year old brother and though that side of the family does have females a majority of them are very much older than KeKe, still leaving her with younger cousins who are boys. My concerns about this does have my mind moving about getting to know KeKe a bit more and perhaps do some "girly" things with her. Yet, something about it seems more than a notion.

She's seems to be a precocious child as she does hang or stand around adults a lot. My aunt kind of got on her about that today as KeKe was lingering in the kitchen just looking at my grandmother, aunt and I talk and busy ourselves. I didn't take offense to it as I saw that it seems KeKe was just quiety observing and perhaps satisfying her curious nature. Yet my aunt was operating on the old school of thought. Kids simply don't belong or need to be lingering where the adults are gathered having "grown folk talk."

She may also seem to be a bit hard headed, but I think part of it maybe due to her trying to convince an adult that she is in the right, even when she is really wrong. Such as the case when she was playing with the Snickerdoodle and began to sneeze. My grandmother ordered her to wash her hands and innocently she protested that she didn't sneeze into her hands. My grandmother argued back and told KeKe that she saw her (and so did I from the angle of where I was sitting). Finally, after a firm order from my grandmother she did as she was told.

I don't like to see kids looking bored or even depressed as KeKe did today. I'm not sure what I would have done fun today if I had the chance. Today I was really a scatter brain in between running errands and cooking part of tonight's dinner at my grandmother's. i tried to be a bit goofy around her and the Snickerdoodle. It lasted for a few minutes before KeKe felt bored again and just wanted to clinge to the Snickerdoodle.

Being a mentor is something that I always wanted to be. In some cases I have been on an individual basis and in other cases I never followed through when a full fledge program was involved. At least in one instance I didn't follow through cause I was messed up emotionally, mentally and spiritually. What would I look like mentoring some 12 year old girl in that condition?  In watching KeKe today it has renewed my sense of helping along other young girls - just talk to them, expose them to life outside of their own world.

A LOT of young girls need this.

Is it in me to do this? We shall see.

On Editing Blog Entries...

Normally, I take the time to edit my entries for spelling and grammar, but tonight I'm gonna let it fly... a free flow night.

 

 

I'm kinda stuck at the moment. I'm seriously hungry. Like deep down in the pits of the tummy hungry. There is still no kitchen (at least no appliances) so I would have to fire up the grill, but the meats are all frozen. It just can't thaw fast enough for me at the moment. There are some ribs in the fridge, but I've been muching off of them since Sunday. My tastebuds for ribs are dead.  My aunt did send me home yesterday with a plate, but I'm trying my best to save it for dinner later on tonight.

Aside from the Snickerdoodle and the few conactors that are here today, I'm  home by my lonesome. It's been great to have the parental units gone for a week on their vacation. They need the break and so do I from them. It's moments like these that I take full advantage of what being a single woman in a house is all about. Just the pure enjoyment of peace in the house without two other grown folks bumping heads with you.

Still I'm stuck. I can't leave the house, especially at this current moment. The Snickerdoodle has a case of the "runs." There's no fever and she is her normal self, but still her bowels are loose. I'm awaiting to hear back from her doc. Gotta stay close to the phone. More than likely it's probably all related to her still teething. Why do babies go through such a process when they teethed? In the meantime, I'm keeping her hydrated with the Pedialyte and watching what I feed her.  

Still I'm hungry. Papi is off from work by now. I was hoping I could get him to bring me lunch. Can't get a hold of him at the moment. Damn, it's his gym time. I could ask one of the contractors to get something for me when he goes to lunch, but they all are deep into their work. Cannot and will not disturb.

That dinner plate from my aunt sure sounds delicious right about now.

Salmon salad

A couple pieces of fried chicken...drumsticks

A good helping of collards.

Then what will I have for dinner?

I'll figure that out later. Right now ... I'm hungry.

Chow! (ciao!) 

Today seems like a breeze, even though the temperature is expect to rise to near 90. Let's face it, DC is no picnic when it's hot AND the humidity is thick. Still, everything seems kosher today. Once again I am home. The sheet metal workers are here putting the air/heating duct system in the extentsion area.  Watching and listening to this team work is a bit amusing and annoying. I hate that they never seem to sweep up their left over metal scraps once they are done for the day. Still, I get a kick out of their conversations - such as yesterday when one asked one about something on the show Sex and the City.

Okay.. wow... now the contractors are singing to MAZE. Very badly.

"I'm so happy to see.. you and me.. back in stride again."

I've been struggling a bit with hitting my usual groove in writing. I've been scooping out the job boards for freeance opportunities and (possible) full time positions. I'm tempted to apply for a position with a Baltimore publication. I have to think long and hard about that one. Though DC and Baltimore are 30 to 45 minutes apart, I've been spoiled big time when it comes to jobs and an almost non-existent commute.  Minus my brief stint as a temp in the Alexandria, VA area, my jobs have been no more then 15 minutes away from my home by car. By subway it is about the same or at least no more than 20 minutes.

I've been jotting down or keeping a couple of mental notes of freelance ideas I want to pitch, but just not sure what publication would be the right fit for them.

Along with the ideas that come to mind, I find myself having vivid dreams again. I suspect it's all relative to my situation in how to handle my calling, my talent.

 

In other random non-important news, Amazon finally shipped off my order.

A week ago I ordered the new release of Ben Watt's 5th volumn of his Buzzin Fly Compilations. If anyone who is in to deep house, dub and drum and bass house music you should already know about Ben Watt. He's been a around for years, but started out as one half of the duo Everything But The Girl with his partner and mother of his kids Tracey Thorn. From what I know of Ben, it really wasn't his intent on being a DJ until someone heard him mix and convinced him to go into it. He broke out with his own record label, Buzzin Fly, in 2002 and has been going strong ever since. 

I was in Vancouver when I fell in love with Buzzin Fly as I heard their music playing throughout the Virgin Record Store. It was through Ben and his Buzzin Fly company that I FIRST heard of Estelle as she did the vocals/rap for a song called "Pop a Cap In Your Ass." 

It's partly why I was a bit irritated that a lot of folks are seeing Estelle as if she is new when she has been around for a while. However, I understand, she is new on the American scene as she is now a part of John Legend's record label.

Once I receive the 5th volumn, I will have ALL of Ben's work - as far as Buzzin Fly goes - thus far, including a two part CD called In the Mix, in which one CD features Ben and the other features Austrialian DJ Ivan Gough. Unlike his previous work, the 5th volumn is broken down into three three parts of unmixed music. It features the music of DJs/artists associated with Buzzin Fly. Some of it is stuff I have from the previous albums but others are very new or something I haven't heard of. I'm excited to receive this in the mail.

I also ordered two "oldie but goodies," - Goldfrapp's Black Cherry and a Hooverphonic CD that I can't remember right now -  but they haven't been shipped just yet.

What would I do in a world without music?

Most likely.... die.

My mother never lied. Having a kid does change your body.

I'm inching closer to 30. It doesn't "snap back" like it use to. Trust, I still have the curves and the strut to match, but it takes me a bit longer to get it together when going out or even getting out of bed.

Though I still feel young and spunky, my mornings and sometimes late nights may suggest otherwise. I really haven't been sleeping well at all. I'm so like my mother or at least how she use to be. I don't function well until late evening into the night. When normal mammal species have sense enough to knock off to bed no later than 11, I'm up as if it is broad daylight. I'm starting to sense the Snickerdoodle is picking up this habit as well. I TRY to keep her on her sleep schedule; basically in bed no later than 9 pm.

What bugs me, I go to bed late and wake up early as if I do have a normal 9 to 5 to rush to. Granted, some days are chock full of errands, motherly things, a couple of writing projects to start or complete and lets not forget whatever duties I have to contribute to these renovations; i.e. more packing and bubble wrapping.  Still why do I not like not to sleep or can't sleep?

So here it is, almost fifteen minutes after four in the afternoon. I'm dragging. My feet are aching from standing on non supportive shoes while packing up the rest of the kitchen. My back aches from lack of sleep or sleeping wrong. My side muscles even ache a bit!  I'm yawning, cause I didn't get to spend the required 8 hours in "La La Land."  I've had no bath today, so I'm covered in 1970's and 80's dust. My hair is a mess and right now I don't seem to be getting any help from my folks. Mom is out running errands and my dad is on a retired-dad-union-break, which roughly translates to having a cold beer or two while watching that horrid Cleopatra movie on cable with Elizabeth Taylor.

Sorry, can't get down with Liz Taylor playing an Egyptian Queen, a woman of color.

My cousins are asking if the Snickerdoodle and I will make a recital in which another little cousin is performing in. I highly doubt it. I just want to be in my corner of the world for a while. Only the Snickerdoodle is invited.

I lost another cousin a couple of days ago. I keep wanting to call my cousin "J" to see how he is holding up amidst the lost of his grandfather. Hopefully, I'll get around to it tonight. Damn why did this have to happen so close to the family reunion - which is in another month or two.

Right now I long to be with Nisha as she traveled back to her native New Orleans. She went back home to participate in and enjoy the Essence Music Festival. This will be the first year that she has ever gone to a concert during the festival. Even more lucky, she's going to the show in which Jill Scott will be performing - lucky chica.

I haven't been in New Orleans since pre-Katrina; once in 1992 and again in 2002 or 2003? The city never struck me as a must-come-and-stay place, even though there is a certain charm to it. I am curious to see how much progress is being made since Katrina. I still shudder at some thoughts about the whole event.

It's getting close to five and near the time I should be making the Snickerdoodle's dinner.

I need to take her on more play dates as well. Just this past Monday, we spent time with my cousin T and her niece and nephew. T and I took the kids to a nearby park. While the other kids went up and down the slides, the Snickerdoodle held her "court" on the swings. She didn't want to get off. I spent the whole time pushing the Snickerdoodle and watching her giggle herself silly.

On another note, my mother showed me the few pictures from her conference she attended last week. Needless to say, my work I did with her social organization's chapter and the group of 6th grade boys was on display. More reviews. I can't wait to join up with this project again for next year. Maybe I should think about joining this group and stop being a shadow or ghost.... aka consultant of some sort.

I'm seriously dragging today.

Noooooooooo. Not another email.

I am expecting at least one email concerning an article I pitched. I was told it's usually a four week turn around for a response. This has only been like the third week.  

Hoe hum.  

In a way I'll be glad when the computer and internet is disconnected until the phone lines are moved. I've been too wired lately; literally and figuratively.  I'm starving to get get back to basics.

Just me, some paper and a pen.

hoe hum

On a seriously real random note.... I think I've developed a small crush on Keith Olbermann. I REALLY need to stop watching MSNBC.

WOW.. Olbermann is an Aquarius... no wonder. 

*big smile* 

This Water Barer is ....out.

I think I'm going to start a blog series in which I feel the urge to confess random shit.

 

I Confess....

To crashing Papi's computer the other night by sending him a link via YouTube. His wussy system couldn't take the pressure.

Being a DJ groupie - not the low class radio DJs though. I mean hardcore, spinning underground tunes, rock star, international fame DJ.

Sticking popsicles in my glass of ginger ale. Try it!

Turns my Mazda into a BMW 745 while I drive - Who needs David Copperfield? 

I usually ignore speed limit signs - just ask the city, state of Oxford, NC. -THANK GOD I got all of that straight!

Playing Lynard Skynard's extended version of "Freebird" repetively for hours on end just to hear the guitar riffs.

Not getting along well with Black Men in power..,..being urked by their arrogance - the ones who are and suddenly disown the verb/adjective "humble". I love my fellow Black brothers in the lead, but seriously some of yall have serious power trip issues.

Owns countless Cubic Zarcon...yaks - Bling Bling.

Slowly becoming a feminist.

Curses like a sailor at the oddest times

Wishes I could fling my neighbor's "Taco Bell" dog into outter space or at least stick something up its butt to make it shut up!  For the record.. I'm a dog lover. I've owned two dogs in my lifetime (RIP Mickey and Max) and wish to have another. I just HATE my neighbor's dog which suffers from a Nepoleanic Complex.

Farted and blamed my daughter for it.

A bill collector called for me, I broke into a Spanish accent, posed as a relative and told the folks I had been deported back to the Dominican. Sad thing.. they believed me.

 

Really thinks my mayor (Adrian Fenty) looks like Bert from Bert & Ernie on Sesame Street.

Slightly does have penis envy - fuck it. I'll just get a strap on.

Threw that last confession in to see who would take me seriously.

It was me who jacked up the spin cycle on the washing machine when I tried to wash a goose feather bed padding. I'm an educated Black woman that has Blonde moments.....after a couple of glasses of Spiked Kool-Aid akak Arbor Mist.

Hates the nightclub Dream.. or Love .. or whatever it wants to be called, with a passion but will roll up in there in a heartbeat to see New Edition in concert. Yeah i did it .. and will gladly do it again!

Became star struck when I ran into a local TV news Anchor back in June, but rolled my eyes today (err yesterday) when I ran into Tigger at my local grocery store and immediately thought about the rumor going around about him. *sigh* Say it so Tig. Actually... you did on Jamie Foxx's show on Syrius Radio back in Dec.

Knew about Shirley Bassey before Kayne sampled her song and got extremely pissed DJ played Bassey's orignal Diamonds are Forever as if it were brand new.

Tired, but thinking of more things to fess up to.

I was looking for a Natalie Dee comic to coincide with my random thoughts for today. Needless to say I stumbled along something in her archives that just made me choke on my own saliva; a drawing of her husband "murdering" Michael Jackson's Billie Jean.

 

Random Thought # 1

I'm waaaay overdue for a Pap test.  Being a woman seems so inconvient and disturbing when you think about a visit to the OBGYN.

Any man out here wanna take my piping and my OBGYN? 

Random Thought #2

I pondered last night if I'm too much of the world to make a full connection with my spirituality. Well maybe not too much of the world...I'm just... I don't know what is the word or phrase I'm looking for. Hmmm. I'm not an atheist. I'm a bit quirky. I try to see beauty in everything. While I don't glamorize illegal drug use, I can sympathize and perhaps understand a bit why someone would abuse it.  A large part of me wants to break free from anything and just totally let go of any inhibitions I have. While I do attend church, it's only on the Sundays when I feel the need to or just basically when I feel up to it 

Was I over churched as a kid; especially in attending religious schools all my life?

What is really going on with me spiritually?

Random Thought #3

I really do hurt for some men out here. The ones who have been taken for granted and are really top picks of the liter. In talking with Papi and other male friends, none have ever felt appreciated or even had partners that took the time to pamper or cater to them for at least a day. They were always the givers, and eventually got took some kind of a way. As a giver (and there are some of us ladies who give) I have felt the sting as well of being taken for granted. That was mainly due to a bad choice on my part to give to someone who didn't deserve it. Yet, when I asked my friends and Papi would they know what they want if given the opportunity to be treated for a day in and outside of the bedroom, no one could fully answer. One guy even asked me for suggestions of what she should look/ask for. 

Have we females become so jaded about love or who we are "dating/seeing" that we feel we are entitled to being the receiver constantly?

Random Thought #4

Out of a lil boredom and tired of being referred to as the anti-socialable MySpace Nazi, I revamped my MySpace page a bit. I will say, the song I selected kicks arse! (opps! Irish accent slipped)

But seriously, who really pays attention to me on MySpace anyways?

Random Thought #5

After.................. (okay I can't think of the exact number) of year with my online writing group, I'm thinking about leaving. The group doesn't "feed" my anymore. There are more "off topics," posted than anything pertaining to writing. I've been thinking about it for a while. I don't feel "at home" anymore. It is one of the rare online communities that I have found to be drama free, but sometimes I wonder.  I probably won't leave altogether, just change my membership to receive a digest of the latest happenings.

Speaking to self right now ----> Honestly, are you still benefiting from the group?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think there is a lot to be said when the only sanity I've been able to find lately are moments alone with my daughter and sitting down to write (blog, novel, short stoary, whatever)

For the past few days I've been FA & FO - or as I've been calling it.....

Fucking Annoyed & Frankly Offended

My 'TUDE started late Tuesday evening, when I received a phone call from a DC Government Agency - namely the Dept. of Health. It was in regards to some business with some health benefits for my daughter... yadda yadda.

I could live with the business aspect of the call, but the rude or uncalled for comments from the lady on the other end of the phone set me off completely.  Hence, why I fired off an Open Letter and posted it on all my blogs and on Craigslist. Needless to say, the responses have been interesting and disappointing, leaving me to feel even more FA & FO.

Today, as I helped my aunt take care of her business, I was even more FA & FO at the fact that today was a waste of time.... her time and the other people that had to be pulled into today's event.

I don't even really want to get into that.

Right now, I know... my head hurts and my cramps are kicking... making me even MORE FA & FO. My patience is short for a lot of things going on with me directly and indirectly right now.

I'm just done.

I'm done with ignorant people

I'm done with half assed help

I'm done with utter bull shit

I'm done with game, scams...whatever you want to call it.

I'm done with those who are recognized for their writing talent, folks who are out there, when I'm just as good (or better) and still can't get any "air -time" (maybe this one is on me)

I'm done with these elections

I'm done with Black vs. White, Man vs. Woman

I'm done with this whole Barak Obama "The Choosen One, Rock Star, Hip Hop Movement" SHIT!

I'm done with folks who discredit (Hill) Clinton with her accomplishments - especially when she (like her husban) fought for rights, lobbied for issues for the common man.

I'm done with John McCain's tired ass.

I'm done with "Dubya" fucking up this country abroad and domestically

I'm done with broads who have good men by their sides but still aren't satisfied and go to "greener" grass, when that other grass is really brunt to the crisp.

I'm done with divorces

I'm done with people who try to "1-up!" me - what the fuck for?

I'm done with my next door neighbor's turbo engine in his Mitshibishi that shakes the whole house

I'm done with Sunday drivers

I'm done with tears

I'm done with being a woman

I'm done with being this fucking talented without a unique niche

I'm done with this post.

(my title may be a bit misleading.. ya think?)

My father is the latest victim in identity theft. Someone got a hold of his bank card number and starting a mini shopping spree.

Between my mom and the bank I don't know who to credit with catching onto the scam.

My mom watches the accound like a hawk. She has THE POWER OF THE PURSE... sorta speak.

Maybe she could take a job with our bank. They actually hire people to sit and watch account activity. I wonder how much they pay people to sit and just watch figures jump up and down all day.

Speaking of criminals and money.. these have to be the dumbest and certainly greedy people ever. I mean how can you work for the DC Tax office with an annual salary of $81K and still embezzle millions more.

Didn't these people learn anything from Babara Bullock a few years back?  I find it a bit funny that it was just Monday that it was reported that Bullock's materials would be up for auction ebay this week and then the next day this story breaks.

I was watcing an old Geroge Carlin act last night. I swear I love this man's routines. As usual he went on a rant about the English language and oxymoronic concepts. One in particular...  "Civil War." As in.. what war do you know is "civil?" Do you shake hands with the enemy before you shoot his brains out?

Typing while holding a child in your arms is talent. I think I have it down pact now.

Typing while holding the child and she slings her hard rattle around is a challenge. Even more challenging when she throws it on the floor just to watch you pick it up in the middle of your thoughts

(pause -- picking up rattle)

I'm leaving town in a few days... for week. I'm looking forwar to the drive. Just Snickerdoodle and I.. until the rest of the fam joins us later.

Before I go, Papi owes me a few things..... A DVD, some music and more chocolate chip cookies.

Speaking of Papi... I guess he thinks I'm gonna loose out on a bet. I'm suppose to wear his Cowboys jersey if the Skins loose to them on the 18th.  I told him I'm allergic to such madness. I'm praying it doesn't come to that.

Speaking of the Skins....

 

Clinton Portis is up to his tricks again.. meaning he is back to dressing up as weird characters. Ummmm this time it is someone by the name of Choo choo (or is that Chew Chew). Actually I don't know what to say about this.  This reminds me.. this is also part of my bet with Papi. If the Skins win I'm making him wear a Skins cap along with the fact that I can post up my picture with Portis and he can't say crap about it (like he has a few times)

I've been writing for this NaNoWriMo challenge and my thougths are currently stumped. So far I've written nothing more than random thoughts. Maybe I should do the whole outline thing.

I have to thank Erin for sharing something with me yesterday. She shared a link of a friend's blog which in turn lead me to an article by Kelly Kennedy... a single mom's snippet guide to owning a home.It helped me to be a bit more decisive in regards to the condo opportunity that has been brought forth.

Mr. S did receive his card.. and he loved it.   

I sorta feel better after I spewed my thoughts out last night or shall I say early rhis morning. I don't feel so angry any more. I think I just needed to see my feelings. I still need to put some things behind me... for good.

Despite whatever trouble Amy Winehouse faces legally abroad, I love her music.  Even more, I love the dramatic appeal in her latest video, which happens to be my favorite song on her album

 

Speaking of music.. I HATE how MTV (jams) and VH1 (soul) - and yes I know VH1 and MTV are under the same network - don't show the name of an artist and their song when they are pretty much a breakthrough or something new to the mainstream scene.

Case in point... there is this artist by the name of Estelle. I've known about her for a while as she has collaborated with one of my favorite UK artist/DJ/Producer Ben Watt and his Buzzin Fly production; I'm still upset that I miss Ben everytime he comes to DC for a show, and his appearance is far and few here. The other day I caught a video on VH1 Soul and it was Estelle. At first I wasn't sure, but the listened to her her and looked at her face.. I knew it was her... plus there is a breakdown rap part where she mentions her name. Though I'm thrilled to see Estelle's face here in the states, I'm dismayed that VH1 didn't show her credits anywhere.

They are also doing this to another producer/artist that I'm begining to enjoy.. Mark Ronson. I'm just beginning to learn about Ronson and his work. So far I know he has worked with Amy Winehouse and has an album in which he has collaborated with other UK artist. I've seen the Daniel Marriweather video and though the song is a bit bizaar - a man pleading his case with all these excuses but begging his girl to stop him if she's heard it all before - yet there is another artist that VH1 is showing that is under Ronson's wing, but they don't show her credits.

That is frustating, because it lets me know even more that these corporate houses will tease you with something new.. something real.. but will snatch it back and hide it while continuing to feed you the same stuff over and over, like something new is gonna kill you and hurt them.

Maybe it's a technical oversight that credits aren't shown.. maybe not.

Ok I'm done. 

This may be a random ramble.

Nothing really special is going on.

I'm writing creatively again, thanks to my online writing group.  This week we were all charged with a challenge to write a 1-2 page piece each day.  I missed Monday, but so far I wrote a piece for yesterday and today.  If I'm not chicken and feel that my online neighbors can handle what I dish, I'll share. Until then... they will be in my vault until further notice.

My stranger and I spoke last night. I missed him. I'm beginning to hate it when we don't talk. What's that about?  I don't know how I allowed these feelings to occur or happen.. but they have. I hate it that I can't stop it. I wonder if he can get a wiff of all of this? I feel silly for being such a school girl about this, but I think this is a little more than a crush. Damn shame I'm in my late 20's and don't know the difference at the moment. Crush, infactuated? Maybe.

Taylor is progressing right along. However, I'm afraid I'm spoiling her.  She likes to be held and rocked a lot, or else she'll catch a "Divatude" in a second. I gotta break her out of this.

I need to get on the ball and set up a baby shower registry and send out e-vites..now that I've picked a date for the baby shower.

I had an impromptu interview on the phone today for a job I applied for a couple of days ago. It's another communications job that includes writing, editing, being personable and yadda yadda yadda. Hopefully, I'll receive a follow-up call to be invited in for a face to face interview. Another job emailed requesting an interview for Friday. However, the job is in Gaithersburg, MD.  Though Gaithersburg sits on the outskirts of DC, it's still a major headache of a commute. I'm not excited about Gaithersburg. What the hell was I thinking to apply for something about an hour away? Bethesda was bad enough, but Gaithersburg?  I'm going to have to think this through carefully.

I'm hoping to get out more with Taylor as Spring is starting to make its appearance. I see us going for a stroll in parks and so forth.

I'm such an idiot.  Though I mailed my taxes on time (not that I owe anyways), I failed to sign the form. So far DC sent their form back requesting a signature. I'm sure my Federal is not far behind in the mail on its way back to me. How could I be so forgetful to do that?  Then again, people have told me.. the memory is the first to go with pregnancy and motherhood.

HA!

I can't think of anything else I want to say, need to say or just want to say at the top of my head.

Well, maybe one more thing.... I need to start dinner while Taylor is catching a nap!

*Ruining my dinner by munching on peanut M&M's while writing this*

Today was me and Taylor's first day outside the house....together. The weather finally broke out of this crazy Nor'ester mess and it felt or rather FEELS like spring. I guess since the temperature change, everyone figures it's time for Taylor to strut her stuff in public..sorta speak.

Though today was no major event, at the coaxing of my mother and aunt, Taylor and I got dressed and ended up spending the afternoon with my grandmother.  I do have picutres of "baby's first outing," however, I'm still waiting for the arrival of the USB hookup (which I won on Ebay for under $30) for the cool Casio digi cam I have (thanks to Erin). I had my Fuji digi cam on hand, but gosh darn it if the battery life didn't die right there at my grandmother's just as I was taking the first picture.  So nothing from the Fuji.... it's all from the Casio. Photos for Taylor's first outing will have to wait.

The visit to my grandmother's wasn't all in vain.  We did manage to figure out the date of the baby shower and the light menu that will be offered.   Besides, I guess it was about time that the two of us got out of the house. Well, even though I have been outside (To the doc's and back. To the medicaid office and back. To get the birth certificate notarized and back), yet all of my trips outside were short.

I must say Taylor was a lady while out.. well except for the time she started to cry in my grandmother's arms about nothing. Oh and the time she was screaming from the top ofher lungs when I was changing her. Then she did but up a small fuss when her sleep was disturbed.

I pray that she is alady during her shower next month. Speaking of which... I guess I should get busy on drawing up the guest list and getting invites or E-Vites together.... gotta love technology right?

Other than the small outing (minus the pictures that are being held captive by the Casio digi cam) nothing really spectacular occured today... unless you want to call me the Bee Slayer?

Sometime this morning a bee flew into the room via my window air conditioning vent. I heard the bee, saw the bee, but currently it's in a hiding place.  I haven't seen the bee since about noon today. Hopefully it found a corner and died.  I don't have time to be paranoid about a bee stinging me or Taylor..... or about a BEE HIVE!!!

*grunt*

Oh.. another new mommy discovery for me. I think Taylor maybe sensitive to this Johnson and Johnson baby oil gel.. the lavendar scent.  I use it on her after i bathe her. She didn't break out at first, but today I noticed lil goose bump like "rashes" around her neck, back and a little on her face. I didn't use any on her today. Instead, I just bathed her in Cetaphil soap for sensitive skin and put on a non scented lotion on her body. So far she's cleared up... a little.

She should have came with a warning lable

FRAGILE - pronounce it like the father from the movie A Christmas Story - FRA-GEEEE-LEEEE

Well this is all for today... guess I'll put up the M&M's and go eat a full fledge meal now.

P.S. I need some new jeans... mine are baggy now.