17 posts tagged “job woes”
Last week my school held their annual job fair for those in the communications field. In years before, there has always been a good turn out of both internship/job seekers and recruiters/companies from all sectors of the communications realm. In those years I was always excited to go, especially once I reached the junior and (quasi) senior level, because really that is who the fair is intended for. However freshman and sophomores can attend to browse the exhibit booths and sit-in on the various information sessions lead by a panel.
This year, the closer the date came for the fair, the more disenchanted I had become. Originally I chalked it up to be the so-called "mother hen" on campus, having "been there and done that," here I am a near 30 year old scrambling with 19, 20, 21 year-olds for internship and job possibilities. My energy level for the whole scene seemed...well...low. It couldn't have gotten any lower when I received an email confirming a pre-scheduled interview with a prestigious newspaper that is based in another city and state, but has a DC bureau. Actually I perked up a bit only because I saw a little light of actually doing some work with this paper at their DC bureau, but I was still discouraged that I wasn't pre-scheduled with nearly as many interviews I use to bag from previous fairs.
I honestly felt something was wrong with me and perhaps my resume. Though I've revamped my resume countless times over the past year, my work in the journalism/communications field is so broad. My heaviest concentration is in print/news editorial, but I've had a touch of public relations, technical writing and even creative writing - bios, synopsis writing. Nevertheless, the week caught me in a hectic state as I had four papers to work on and turn in, plus doing preps for the interview. I even worked on changing my attitude about it all and figured that I never know what may come out of this meeting.
The day of the fair was nasty with rain, but people from my school and other HBCUs from near and far came ready in their suits and armed with portfolios. I was in the mix, running back and forth between classes I had mid-term exams in and the fair. When I finally settled in at the fair I noticed how there wasn't really a good number a companies this year. There were big time companies that had uber long lines of folks waiting to be interviewed and other companies with small to non-existent lines. MY prestigious newspaper had no line, but every now and then a person was in the chair being interviewed. When my turn came I sat down and before I could really get into the meat or the crux of what I'm all about, the elderly white man looked at me, my resume and told me that if I were to intern with them I would need more experience with a daily newspaper. Outside of the work I did in 2001 with a local newspaper, anything else has been on a freelance basis and obviously not really daily, though deadlines were tighter.
Surprisingly I didn't feel shot down by his words. I understood, just as I understood later (via our discussion) that any work I would do for them (internship or employment) would be done in their home base office, especially since they are "shaving" their DC bureau staff considerably. Honestly, I don't think it's the right time for me to pick up and move with the kiddo to another state, especially for just an internship. We shared a few little laughs in between, he handed me his business card and that was that. However, what took place after was a little uplifting.
I walked around that ballroom for a fourth time, looking through the program book at the profiles of the various companies. I check marked the ones I thought would be of interest. However, after further inspection I learned that though booths were open, a majority were ONLY open to the ones with pre-scheduled interviews. So that knocked off the main booth I wanted to visit.... DC's local NBC affiliate/NBC Universal. Though I had it check marked, I almost walked by the local ABC affiliate. since I saw someone having an interview. However, there were two people manning the table. My body stopped dead in its tracks before I could even have a conversation with my brain on if I should or shouldn't stop.
I read through some of their material and picked up their sheet announcing openings. In that instant the lady behind the table sparked a conversation with me. Turns out she is part of the HR department. I asked her were their any openings for a person like me who has more print experience than broadcast. I would be interested in working in the newsroom writing up the stories. Her exact response,
"Baby we got any kind of position you are looking for."
We talked a little more, I handed her my resume and few other items as we discussed a friend of hers that is head of a non-profit and in need of a writer. I even did the ultimate; name dropped my godsister who works for them in their newsroom; anything for a little edge. She lit up. She knew her. She pulled out a post-it, placed it on my resume and began taking notes. I breathed a little sigh of relief.
By the end of the day as I did a little reflection, I pondered over what exactly has the so-called recession done to the print journalism industry. Newspapers are shutting down or consolidating their staff/resources as there is this shift towards "new media;" really.. all electronic news. Once, my good friend Erin, who is a photojournalist, and I were having a discussion about such. I will never forget her comment.
"[the industry] is only dying if people in the industry aren't willing to change with it."
I thought about her statement in relation to what I had just experienced at the fair. I wondered how open is the industry towards people like me, with such broad experiences. Shouldn't the industry as a whole move to adapt to the change in the climate? One of the most enlightening experiences I had was back in April, when I visited the web operations of the Washington Post. There is a team of people, with a grouping of web design, technical invention, writing and overall creative talent that the publication allowed this team to morph and work together creating a new job (and maybe a new division) of the web version of the paper. I met the team and fell so completely in love with their work. I craved to be on such a team.
A las, going back to the fair, I was shut out with the out of state prestigious newspaper before I could even open my mouth about what I can offer. I figured, their loss and again, not my time to make a sudden move to another state right now anyways. I also wondered was the whole thing about the job fair set up for those of us in the print journalism world to fail. The bulk of the companies present were of marketing and public relations...selling. Maybe it's the present day enrollment of communication schools; maybe there are a higher number of students interested in the marketing, public relations medium. However, where does that leave us who are straight up journalist (broadcast and print)? I actually overheard a young fellow journalism major describe his pre-scheduled interview as just "okay." He too was a little dismayed that the fair seemed to be bit more aimed at the marketing and public relations students. However, like me, he figured he would participate anyways because he didn't know where the opportunities of the day would lead.
As I'm getting older and facing the last days of my undergraduate studies, I can't help but to figure out how to step up my game. Competition is uber fierce. I've been proven this time and time again; even as recent as loosing a freelance bid with a local publication. Graduate school is still on my mind. Yet, I have so much to decipher being a single mother (of one). What is practical? What is economical? What is meant to be?
Lately I've been feeling fatigued, but trying to stay motivated. That's MY hardest challenge; not giving into the slightest fatigue. However, I don't want to become burnt out. It's my fear. I've been there and done that. Not a pretty place to be. Again, for me it's all about balance. Yet in my world, my balance can be easily thrown off with matters outside of school.
A classmate of mine, who is an older lady that is also a former student returning, that hardly knows me, listened to me tell my thoughts on the job fair. Without blinking or missing a beat she said,
"I have complete and utter faith you will be fine. God has something out here for you. "
I usually feel weird when a stranger or a person who doesn't know me fully tells me something like this. It comes off as common rhetoric that has no value. But when that lady spoke those words I didn't feel as such. I found myself agreeing and believing. I guess that's step one of stepping up my game; actually believing.
Step 2?
Work.
A few minutes ago, in the midst of my shower, I had an epiphany.
My life (somewhat) maybe taking a twist just as Tracy Chambers.
The Original Mahogany:
Tracy (Diana Ross) was an aspiring fashion designer, who worked a mundane job as a buyer's assistant for a large mid to upper scale department store. She went to fashion school at night and marketed her fashions during her spare time to local designers - none of which were feeling her designs and even offering her jobs as their secretary. Along the way she meets Brian (Billy Dee Williams) an up and coming politican running for alderman. A mini love story ensues. However, she finds herself working within his campaign for a while. Of course the old concept of putting-her-dreams-on-the-back-burner-to-help-her-man became evident, but it was suddenly interrupted. As expected an opportunity of a lifetime is presented to Tracy and she made no hesitation about jumping on it.
Off to Europe to persue her fashion goals she went, leaving behind Brian to try and fulfill his dream alone.
The Revamped: Mahoganie v2.0;
Despite my previous and current experience as a writer/journalist life is at a standstill right now. It's growing harder and harder for me to knock down walls and break down doors. I've been making a lot of noise, but I'm not sure if my voice has been loud enough thus far.
I've enjoyed the time I am having benig home to take care of my daughter. There's nothing like watching your kid grow right before your eyes and you being there to help them along the way. Yet, mommy needs to get out and be active again to improve upon what we already have.
Those that have been reading me for a while know that my family has been politically active on the local level; more so my parents as I've been involved just enough to get my feet wet, make a few introductions and keep going. Yet this time I'm being asked to be in this full throttle. YA is up for re-election for her council seat. She's pretty much a shoe-in as she is running unopposed and so far the constituients in our ward do like her and like the service she has done so far. It's interesting that my family is well known throughout her camp, because when my parents are absent from the scene of things I can brace myself for the flooded back to back phone calls and even emails asking if everyone is ok.
Right now, if I should choose to accept the mission, my capacity in the campaign would be as her scheduler. I'm not sure if she'll come to me, as before, for light editing/proofreading help. Though being a scheduler isn't such a glamorous task, I can say that it would have its perks.
1. I'll get paid
2. The office isn't far from the house
3. I could drag the Snickerdoodle with me if I wanted to
4. Hopefully, I can make more connections
5. I could set my hours
I still plan to handle my writing (thing) on the side... freelance ... pitch ideas like crazy...continue my search for liteary agent.
(sidenote: As a writer I am realizing that as much as I love DC and have a lot of pride being a native Washingtonian, this city lacks creativity. Washington, DC is soooooooooooo political that for a creative person like me, we basically have to carve our own niche', because creative outlets here are far and few. Politics just run this city and basically you would have to turn to the underground world for the misfits, bohemians, etc. etc.)
I'm banking on making that right connection that could fit me in full time to something that I want to do. I'm sorry. I'll admit. After working that assistant editor job, I realized.. that is what I need to be doing. This is what I'm suppose to be doing. I was happy while doing it, despite its challenges and my dysfunctional "relationship" with my boss, Mr. Yellow. I loved it. Yes, sometimes I sort of do regret leaving it behind because of the dysfuntional crap. However, I do realize in the long run I did the right thing.
When I was first presented with this mission, I really did turn my nose up at it. Because immediately I thought "failure" to myself. Despite everything that I've gained professionally, my mind reverted back to my days in the Federal government when I was just an admin person silently screaming. I went through a lot mentally, emotionally and spiritually to "find myself" and realized that working a straight 9 to 5 wasn't for me, at least not within the Federal government. However, I did say, if I were to return to the government I would do so by way of the Smithsonian, because they aren't as formal and drab as the rest. Yet, even in my efforts to become part of the Smithsonian family as a writer/editor for any of their various publications - even having my resume reviewed in the final panel - I was shot down. My theory, because I don't have my Bachelors (which I'm trying to remedy asap)
Still, right now I need some "change" in my pocketbook so the Snickerdoodle and I can do our thing. So I'm working on swallowing my pride and accepting this task, while keeping the faith and hope for something in my realm to come my way...all the while waiting for Howard to send my enrollment package to so I can complete this final year and officially be declared "graduate".
Like Tracy, I'm sure if an opportunity of a lifetime comes by, I won't let it slip. However, unlike Tracy I will have the courtesy to bid YA ado before leaving. You gotta admit, Diana did Billy wrong to just up and leave at a moments notice. No note or nothing.
In the meantime, I'm tearing the house up looking for my mother's copy of "The Purpose Driven Life." I think I'm ready to face up to it and read it now. Before, I couldn't get caught up in the freenzy over this book. Now the thought and the urge of wanting to read this book has just been attacking me lately. If need be, I'll just check it out of the libray.
I think I'm starting to upset some friends when I tell them I'm voting for Hillary and not Obama. Even though it pains me to see and hear the hows and whys they are going for Obama, I still respect them for their decision. Yet, when it comes to me.. some want to shut down and advoid the conversation altogether. Fine!
What should be important is the fact that I do exercise my right to vote.. a precious right that wasn't even given to those who came before me, because they weren't considered citizens and perhaps not even human. Just property.
Either way, I need a beak from this politic talk. Hell I practically live and breathe it as a native of Washington, DC.
I need to find a corner to sit in and just knit or something.
Speaking of knitting, my mother never did finish knitting the Snickerdoodle's blanket.
The Snickerdoodle is feeling 100% better. Still a minor cough lingers, but it's not even frequent.
My emotions are still rolling like waves.
My body temp is up.
This either means, sinus is kicking my ass or PMS is being a real bitch.
I can't believe All My Children wants to bring back the whole Angie and Jessie phenom. JESSE DIED in a shootout in which he was an undercover cop. His partner John Remington ended up dating Angie and I forgot the storyline after that. I don't even know how Angie was written off the story, I stopped watching when my great-grandmother died... I would look at it with her. Needless to say, the writers are "flipping the script" literally. Jessie is alive, because he faked his death. He reunites with Angie through some miracle of faith because she is doing some work at a hospital - to which she finds her son she hasn't seen in years is a patient. Jessie is already called to the son's bedside, because there is a mysterious illness that no one can pin point... and as you guess being that Angie is working at the same hospital she just HAPPENS to stumble upon her son's bedside and eventually run into Jessie.
I miss my great-grandmother... she would get a kick out of this.
Needless to say I won't be watching. Soap operas just aren't the same.. with or without my granny.
I sent in the most unconventional cover letter ever for a job to a local publication.
I took a risk... a big one.
I will laugh my behind off if this turns out to be THE ONE.
If I get it, I'll owe Erin BIIIIIG time (I'll show you why later girlie)
I'm slowly but surely coming around that my birthday is in two days.
I'm looking forward to the party at Ms. C's.
Not sure, but I think a stripper pole is involved? umm yeah.
Later on.. time with Papi
Possible brunch with my Aquarius Brother - so glad to see him doing better
And I think my friend "J" is still treating me to lunch on my actual day..... gotta confirm that.
I need to do laundry.. like yesterday.
I need to wash my hair and press it out a bit.
What does it mean when your tummy feels like it has butterflies inside?
No.. I'm not pregnant.
I had a nice long conversation with Suga Mama yesterday... felt good to just spew out some things I had been holding inside and just about dumped on Papi.
I need to go eat a late lunch while the Snickerdoodle is entertaining herself.
I gained a few pounds.
I see it in my face, arms and hips.
Yet, I'm staring at these chocolate chip cookies from McDonald's.. ready to attack them at any moment.
My pants suit I wore today for an interview was tight.. well the jacket was.
Farewell size 14/16?
Ever get the feeling that you sold yourself short on an interview?
Do I really want the job? It's up my alley in the communications realm - I would get to write press releases, edit the company's newsletter and other publications and some of the same stuff I did when I was employed with Mr. Yellow, but the company seems sooo blah.
Why do they insist on asking you "What do you think your weaknesses are?" If it were me, I would have that question banned from the interview process.
I didn't answer at the time of the interview. I felt trapped.
I come home, hoping to redeem myself in a thank email to the lady - also pointing out some things that I missed in the interview.. as well as answering that "weak" question.
My weakness? like so many other women out here.. I'm Superwoman.
Hopefully, she will understand my argument and will feel compelled by my written words to hire me. After all, she seemed like the superwoman type. Hell, her child called on his way home from school while she was interviewing me. I loved it. She dropped everything she was doing to give her child attention. It reminded me so much of my old supervisor.. Ms. J. Ms. J's children were grown, but still any time her kids (or her elderly mother) would call.. she would drop everything to see what the matter was.
I can see Snickerdoodle calling me in the middle of the day just to say "hi mommy.. whatcha doing?"
The Snickerdoodle loves to talk.. and she's only 9 months!
She was just crying... vying for my attention. However, I'm washing her clothes, answering back some important emails and.....
Damn.. I feel a headache coming on.
The Snickerdoodle is quiet now...playing.
I finished Saturday's Child last night.
I cried for the later part of the book. Sara and I were so alike, but still different.
Actually an instance came up in the book I pondered over.
Rape.
Sara went through a vicious attack. I'm shocked at the detail the author (Gayle Jackson Sloan) illustrated through her words. A couple chapters over, Sara and her (soon to be) step daughter chit chatted about situations of rape. The notion "Forceful Persuasion" arose. Forceful persuasion is a type of rape in which the victim may not be brutally attacked, but controlled in such a way that they have to "give it up."
I pondered because.. though I never (and pray to God that I don't) went through a brutal attack, I can recall instances where I probably was put into a forceful persuasion.
I thought back to the interview Jill Scott did a couple of years ago with Sister to Sister magazine, in which she candidly talked about how she was involved with a guy, but she was forced to give it up via forceful persuasion. It was only during her walk home that she realized that something wasn't right about what went down.
I've even had friends disclose to me their situations.
Why are we put in these positions? How do we end up there?
*sigh*
I'm on my third cookie.
It's going on 4:30... time for Snickerdoodle's dinner soon.
Though it rained off and on, today was a beautiful day...
I can't wait for spring.
I want a new pair of shoes to feel pretty right now.
I have a few moments to spare while the Snickerdoodle is taking her afternoon nap. In these precious moments that are rare, I'm usually ready to ramble off anything. Right now I'm not sure what exactly I want to virtually gab about.
Currently, I'm basically broke (for the moment).. until whatever next freelance project kicks in, whatever contributions my family greatly makes to my "fundraiser," and the day I get a call back saying I'm hired ( I've back from yet another wonderful editor who informed me she is combing though mounds of resumes/portfolios and of course mine is on her table to be reviewed and she will get back with me soon.. yadda yadda yadda...)
Today I had to make an unexpectant dip into my funds for the practically brand new Mazda 5 that I own. The other day, when I was being such a happy elf and making a run to my local post office to mail my greeting cards, I ran over a rock and some stupid trash cans (my neighbors have a habit of not pulling their cans into their yard after trash day).
Okay.. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe speed was factor...
Nevertheless.. Rocks + Those ooogly thick city provided eco friendly? dumpsters/yard cans = fucked up passenger side view mirror.
Yes I was pissed about it, but not too pissed. I think the idea of it happening in seconds sent me into shock. I called my Mazda dealer immediately when I returned home.... long story short - today I was able to get it replaced.
What kills me.. as usual.. the part itself is cheap. it was only $28. Yet, the labor.... the labor sent my little $28 bill to $78. Still not bad.. but when you are working with a shoestring budget as I am at the moment.. EVERYTHING counts!
Nevertheless, I'm not too down about it. It needed to be done for safety reasons. PLUS I wanted it done before leaving town next week, and who wants a stupid ticket for a mirror that is fixable?
If anything, I would be down just a little because I need to save whatever funds I have left right now, in case Snickerdoodle needs anything. I had hoped to have some extra change to splurge on a pair of crazy, funky tights (yeah tights are a splurge for me right now. HA!) for an outfit I may wear tonight. However, as I sit and think, the outfit I had in mind may have to change.
Good thing is.. I don't have to worry about dinner or any of that sort...(pretending to look in Papi's direction)
I'm just glad that will be able to breathe for a bit this evening and get to hear some good music while doing so. Speaking of Goapele.... she was performing in New York the other day. Lupe Fiasco was her opening act. I wanna know how come he didn't hop on the bus or train and bring his butt here to open for her tonight. I know he's been to DC before, but I've never seen him perform. I bet NY had a nice show.
Nevertheless, I'm sure tonight will be just as good.
My blog status is still the same, but I had to write this thought out. I had to share.
I have some thinking to do.
In a matter of 24 hours I'm receiving hopeful news. Maybe my dreams are coming to past. I have notice when something is on the horizon, my dreams come fast and very detailed.. very prophetic in a way.
Late yesterday evening I was working on a freelance project when I received a call. It was the HR dept of a national association. Apparently I applied for a communications position (not sure of the specific position) and they were calling me to request an interview. I got a bit giddy about it for a minute, but after getting all the particulars about the place, being told that I will need to bring in my writing samples and to prepare to take a writing test, that slight giddiness I felt left me.
After the phone call, the thought of getting up early to race to a job in the heart of downtown didn't seem like my scene.. anymore. I started cringing at the thought of loss of whatever freedom I have now. Even though my daughter sort of serves as my alarm clock nowadays, I love it that she doesn't "go off" at a ridiculous hour in the morning. Ten in the morning is FINE with me.
So I have an interview to prep for... for next week.
A few moments ago I went to check the mail. A small package came for me and right away I knew the company. However, I wasn't expecting to see the news I was getting. Last year (around this time) I submitted an application to a condominium purchasing lottery. City Vista Condominiums are among the latest of urban residential development here in DC. The condos are (going to be) right in the thick of the Chinatown area. Chinatown has become a "happening" area in recent years with the Verizon Center, resturants, stores, a movie theater, the new convention center and etc. City Vista is adding to all of this with a grocery store in one complex and retail shopping and dinning among all of them.
(Okay I'm beginning to sound like a major ad campaign for them)
Anywho.... I entered the lottery as a "what the heck" kinda of thing. I figured since I was beginning to make career moves, I still needed a place to call my own. At the time, I hadn't received the news that I was pregnant, so it was JUST ME. Months went by and things instantly changed for me when I found out I was (4 months) pregnant. I didn't hear back from City Vista.. so naturally I figured I wasn't picked in the lottery. Today, I'm thinking this package was nothing more of them sending advertisments for whatever new project is underway.
Um No..
I WAS PICKED IN THE LOTTERY...
The package included a letter telling me that I was assigned a priority number.
The lottery assigned a number in the order in which the names were selected in a blind drawing."
The letter further explains that if I'm still interested I need to submit, paystubs, a copy of my 2006 Federal 1040 and other vitals.
So this is great news right?
If were still JUST ME I would jump on this no questions asked. However, there is much to consider.
1. daughter. : since having a child I would prefer to live in a house. if I were to to do the condo thing, of course it would have to be a two bedroom.
2. income. : I'm cringing at the idea of a full time job now. I have much going as I'm picking up freelance gigs here and there, but i do need a cushion, so a full time job wouldn't hurt. besides if i do my OWN any thing... um i do need to pay something called MORTAGE!
3. everything can go either or right now. this isn't definite. these are possiblities. so say I do go for the condo and the job, would i even move to chinatown? is chinatown a single mom's scene? or would i rent out the condo? additional income? hmmm
okay... I'm gone to ponder and write.
Last night I had a dream. My memory about it is a bit sketchy since I don't remember the full thing. I just remember one particular part in which I was with my old friend Nikki (that I still speak with from time to time) and a couple of my cousins, mainly T and Tam. Some other folks were in the dream as well....yanno some faces I saw were from high school, but they didn't have a major role. The part that I can rmember is with Nikki coaxing me to jump off this bridge like platform into what seemed to be the Potomac River. Hell it could've been the Anacostia River really. What was interesting is my raw and outward emotion of being blantly scared to death to do so.
Whatever I was on , that Nikki had jumped off wasn't too far from the water. The water was calm, but I could somewho measure the depth by the current and the action of the small rippling waves. I felt my heart, in the dream and in reality, pumped faster than its normal speed. I was petrified of the water. It's not that I couldn't swim. I don't think all those years of swim lessons were in vain. Yet, in my fear I though mainly of my daughter and the what if of my untimely death. I was scared of sinking. I had no life support of any kind. Yet, Nikki was already in the water doing fine, swimming around and encouraging me to do it.
What's interesting to note that at some point I look back and I see my mother. It was if I needed her approval to jump before actually doing so. However, when I woke up from the dream, I don't know or even remember if I had jumped or not. The funny thing is, I didn't really think about the dream until later this evening as I was cooking dinner. I wondered what the heck am I afraid of now. What is it that I'm afraid to do? Maybe in some ways it's all related to me working and writing. Maybe I'm still shaking cause of some fears about going into business for myself. It's not that I'm notopen to the idea. I really am, but I'm struggling with a starting point and even on how to build a strong clientle.
Maybe that's not what I'm fully afraid of?
Maybe motherhood is still so brand new to me and in the back of my mind I do feel overwhelmed with things. Hell today I looked into this elementary school for Taylor and almost had a panic attack about what's to come when she reaches school age. My child is just 6 months old! WHY AM I TRIPPING ABOUT A SCHOOL NOW???
This can't be what I'm afraid of? I seem to be doing this motherhood thing with ease, even though there are a few hiccups.
I thought about my grandmother and all that she has been enduring since her husband had his stroke about four years ago. I thought about how my mother has always said that my grandmother has NEVER lived alone. Someone has always lived with her. I do fear for my grandmother's life, because lately I do feel she feels as if no one truely cares what happens to her in this point of her life. She gets these depressed moments and I think she sees herself as a weak woman. Maybe this is why she is doing what she is doing.
Maybe I partially fear loosing my grandmother right now, because of the after affects of what her death can and will do.
I caught Jill Scott's new video today. It's actually to the song "My Love." Though I love the whole album, "My Love" is my absolute favorite followed by "All I" and "Wanna Be Loved." When I listen to "My Love" I don't think of any particular man. I mainly think about those that have accused me of not loving them enough or giving all of me, when I basically did only to get hurt, disrespected and .
As the chorus goes:
"My love is deeper, tighter, sweeter, higher, fire. didn't you know this?"
Yo I'm Trippin Right?
I Heard You Got Married.
You Got Married?
That Don't Really..
It Don't Really Make Any Sense.
I Mean,
It's Not Like I Didn't Think You Were
Seeing Other People Or Whatever
I Mean,
I Was Seeing Other People You Know What This Is
You Know What It Was
I Can't Say I Really Understand Though..
You Chose Her Cuz She's Sweet As Pie
Take What You Give Even Your Lies,
But Baby Are You Happy, Without Me?
She Scrubs Your Back, Washes Your Clothes,
Gives You Everything That You Ask For..
But Don't You Ever Want More? Cuz, My Love..
My Love Is Deeper, Tighter, Sweeter, Higher, Fire..
Didn't U Know This? Or Didn't You Notice?
My Love Is Deeper, Tighter, Sweeter, Higher, Fire..
Didn't U Know This? Or Didn't You Notice?
What We Had Don't Need No Words
Deeper Than Anything You Ever Heard
I Ain't Reachin Baby, I Know I Should Be Your Lady
You Say You're Happy,
You Say You're Great,
But You Know And I Know You Really Ain't
You Need To Come Be With Me
That's The Way It's Supposed To Be..
My Love Is...
Deeper.
Sweeter.
Ooh Oooh Ooh
My Love. You Know Know Know...
Didn't You Notice?
Cuz All...All I Ever Do
Is Think About You Baby.
I Hold You In My Arms, Inside My Dreams..
And I Know What I Know, And What I Know Is
That No Matter Where You Go, You Will Always Think Of Me, My Love.
You Know Baby You Know
My Love Is Deeper
Wider
Didn't You Notice Baby?
Deeper
Tighter
Sweeter
Fire Babe...
Wow!
I forgot my Vox anniversary date!!! How could I? September 14, 2006 was the date I finally accepted Erin's invite to this hidden gem in cyber space.
*in my Charlie Baltimore the CIA Assasin whisper*
Back then Vox was very exclusive. Only people with secret codes and such could join.
*End whisper*
It was the date that I sat down and wrote my introduction onto a new space. Last night I went back and read a few of my entries from those latter days of 2006. I had to laugh, because in that time frame I was sick. I thought my issue was digestive. Little did I know that my illness was symptomatic of me being pregnant!
Ha!
I read more and I laughed more. How funny life can be.It's like that quote I once read by comedian Sinbad
"Life unedited is funny."
I'm not sure how you are suppose to celebrate your anniversary on an internet site. Usually when you've been a member of a site that long it can suggest that you are the old lady who lives with 40 cats and only see daylight when you go outside to hang laundry.
Okay I'm going overboard with that one... but you get the idea.
Maybe while I'm out and about today I'll throw a lil fanfare into the day in honor of my Vox anniversary. A slice of double trouble chocolate fudge cake with a lone candle in it and a mason jar half full of spiked kool-aid aka Arbor Midst.
Whatever I do... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
On another note:
1. I still have to get some things together for this trip to Myrtle Beach! We leave Wednesday morning. I'm so not feeling the getting up @ 5 am.
2. Taylor is teething.... it hit her petty bad yesterday. Hope it doesn't get too bad for her while we are on the road.
3. I received yet another email from one of the editors at the Washington Post. It wasn't the good news I was looking for. They filled the editoral assistant position. Yet, I was still praised for my work and yadda yadda yadda. I'm still hopeful!
No Worries!
Okay.. off to do whatever is I do.... oh right..
The Mommy and Writer thing...
I'm scared and confused right now.
The 2nd interview with the non-profit went great! Matter of fact, they are practically telling me I'm hired, but there is a catch.
All this time, even though I knew the position was under the same umbrella as the Americorps organization (the same folks that deal with the Peace Corps) I had no clue that this wasn't a regular salaried position. The position is basically like a paid internship. A stipend to come every two weeks but by the end of the year it balances out to be nearly $1100.
The job itself seems so ideal as I can use it to use my writing skills and hone my public relation skills. I can see myself as a great asset to the organization. They depesperately need someone like me to help build upon their communications deparment.The staff practically welcomed me with opened arms yesterday. However, when I met with the Executive Director, she was curious to know why I would be interested in such a position that would cause me to make a huge financial sacrifice. In so many words she told me that when she looked at my resume she was highly impressed and wondered how come I don't seek a regular saralied position with all my skills and qualifications. Then when she found out that I have a three-month old she became concerned.
"Most of our people who are hired under the VISTA program (the Americorps position that this particular vacancy is under) are people who are in transition in life and aren't sure where they want to go, but want to give back in some kind of a way, or they are looking to start a career in the non-profit industry. I'll admit, most of their concern when it comes to the money is how are they going to pay rent, but you have an infant to look after."
I breathed a deep sigh and bluntly told her that as much as I want the job, money is a concern of mine.
Throughout our chat, the Executive Director wanted to make sure that I knew what I would be getting into if I acceted the position. I guess towards the end I appeared to be hesitant and our chatted ended with her compassionately saying that she will give me a few days to think things through. She or the Communications Director will call me sometime next week to receive my final answer.
I left the office with a smile and with everyone still welcoming me and with hopeful thoughts of seeing me soon. When I made it outside I felt like I had the heaviest burden. At some point I asked the Lord for guidance.
"Is this the right fit for me? Will Taylor and I be ok if I accept?"
Later in the evening I talked to my mother about everything. I almost wanted to break down and cry, because for the first time since I can remember my mother seemed to be in tuned with my life. She knows that I hate the idea of not working, but what she said struck a cord because it's the same thing JM has BEEN telling verbatium.
"You are not a 9 to 5 person. Even before there was a Taylor, I told someone that you will eventually wise up and come home to start freelancing or your own business. I know that's where you and I are different. People in my generation, we stayed at a job for 30 something years, even if we hated it. You and folks in your generation.. if you don't like a job you leave. As I look around more and more of you are doing your own thing. You are very talented. You have a God given talent. Use it."
Even in my conersation with my mother, I began to realize something. My pride is (perhaps) getting in the way. I'm a prideful person and it's hard to step ou of this, especially when I'm so use to doing for self a majority of the time and fear of giving up my control of a situation..or my life for that matter. Both of my parents have been a tremendous help since Taylor was born. Yet, they don't realize they asked of a lot of me when they asked me to just chill and stay home at least until the fall and start looking for a job. Though I had a good penny saved up plus the tax refunds, my finances are dwindling and i still find it painful and prideful to even ask for a a couple of dollars here and there. Yet, they give it so freely.
Yes I am blessed. Taylor is blessed.
But I have my who wants and needs for my daughter and I. I don't feel it would be right unless I accomplish this.
However the more my mother and I talked last night, the more I felt a push to figure out what to do to get start on my own. I still have a few freelance projects in the pipeline, but at the moment everything is on pause on the other end.
As for the job.... or paid internship rather....
My mother felt like $1100 for the whole year isn't worth the stress of me getting up in the morning, getting Taylor together and rush to some babysitter.
I thought about things the humble way... that if I take the offer.. it wouldn't be the money (obviously) it would be for the experience factor. But then I got frustrated with myself for that one, because I feel that my resume speaks for itself and I've done all the shit jobs (wheather I loved it or hated it) for the experience factor.
However, i still feel I have a bit more growing to do as a writer before launching full fledge on my own.
Maybe I'm still being chicken shit about stepping out on my own.
I need to think of a solution... and fast...
Before I know it.. Taylor will be turning five and will looking in my face for ballet lessons or a pony. (HA!)
I can hang with the ballet, but I'll probably give her a dog in place of the pony. (Double Ha!)
On a Totally unrelated note...
- I'm taking digital pictures again. Nah. Not with "my" Casio. I still need to take it to the "doctor." What I did discover is that my mom's Pentax digi cam usues the same memory stick as the Casio. Actually I think the Pentax is modeled after the Casio. They are too much alike. Anywho, I slide my memory card inside the Pentax and did test shots of the flower bed in the front yard. Sharp images don'tcha think?
- I think Miss New Jersey is stupid. Yanno.. the Miss USA contestant who is currently being blackmailed. Someone is/was threatening to reveal racey photos of her and send them to the pageant judges, but she beat them to the punch yesterday by exposing the photos herself. Not that she is nude or anything, but the picutres look like something you see on MySpace. Some wild chic out on the town partying with friends, drinking and posing in very suggestive ways. Why do I think she is stupid. She claims she has no idea who would do this to her or try to distroy her. She claims the only people who had access to her photos were her "close" friends (including boyfriend) and family. Personally I think the boyfriend maybe the one trying to blackmail her. Just a thought. If not the boyfriend it is diffenately one of the "Close" friends. What about your friends I ask...
- This maybe be too much info... but I don't know what having a baby did to my body, but it seems that now my period wants to show up every month like it is suppose to. No more of the every other month or once a year crap. Maybe Taylor tweaked my plumbing while she was in the womb.
Okay...
Let me go see what the snickerdoodle is doing.
Another entry of random pointless shit.
I'm having a brain fart. Actually My brain is so overloaded with thoughts I literally don't have the patience at the moment to sit and write something realthought provoking.
So watch out... here comes the...
FART!
- I now have freon in my car. (in my retarted Crank Yanker puppet voice) I got freon Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
- I know it's bad when I find that I can't have my driver side window down before some creakhead looking guy, sitting in a passenger seat of an old Toyota Corolla with the front bumper hanging on by a string (literally) decides he wants to open his damn near toothless mouth (he only had THREE teeth!) and holla at you. His friend driving the car ahad the nerve to speed up to cathc up with me so his "boy" could hang out the window to get my attention. I mean seriously.. the guy looked 40 years my senior. I am not the Black Anna Nicole Smith.... actually, I highly doubt Anna herself would go for such a site.
- Speaking of crackheads..... I had a chance to catch the relaunch of Tyler Perry's sitcom, House of Payne. I will admit it is an improvement from its official launch last summer, but something is still missing from the show or something is off. I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove Tyler Perry's works with his plays and movies, but for some reason this show is lacking something. I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm not really "feeling" it. No it has nothing to do with the absence of the character Madea. I'm actually glad he decided to give Madea a break for a while. This can preserve her "true essence" (if you will) and the character won't be so over used.. which I'm sure can lead to a creative strain on Tyler's part as well as making the character very lackluster. However, I think with the show ..I get the feeling tha tsome of the actors are trying to hard or perhaps over acting. Actually I'm mainly thinking about the guy that plays the uncle.
Part of the storyline is that a married quasi-single father played by actor Allen Payne, is staying under his uncle and aunt's roof with his two children until he can gain some type of stablilty. Part of the disruption in his marriage is due to his wife's apparent drug use. Well, in the few episodes I watched, some of the uncle's antics were (semi) funny, but what turned me off is the over use of the word "Crackhead" as he referred to his nephew's wife. I thought it was just a running gag in one.. single episode, but apparently not. Everytime the uncle talked about his astranged in law.. he called her a crackhead. How funny can you make the word crackhead.. let me count the ways... At least that is what I was thinking when watchnig the show.
Tyler, I love you to death man as a true fan.. but honestly there is still room for improvement with the sitcom.
- I caught the repeat of this year's BET Awards.. well I saw a huge chunk of the middle. I just want to say I'm highly pissed and disappointed at how they followed that nice tribute to Gerald Levert with that doggone 50 Cent. How do you go from "having gone to church" (I mean seriously everyone was in their feelings and on their feet as Eddie Levert, Patti LaBelle and Yolanda Adams sang Wind Beneath My Wings) to "What the fuck is up people?" I wanted to hurl as I watched 50 post up on stage and then try to mingle with the audience. Only a few pressed people were anxious to stretch out their hands to give him "daps" or a hi-five. I should have turned my TV, but I was glued to the show for the simple fact I wanted to see the tribute to Diana Ross.
- You gotta love Diana Ross. I don't care how much of a Diva or "DIVA" she is/has been.. you gotta respect her. I loved how she in a sly way kinda corrected 50. Not that she went at him personally during her speech, but generally speaking she made it known that if you want longevity in the business you don't need to bump and grind all the time or say "the f-word." Of course she received and ovation for that comment and for her "shoutout to Mary Wilson as well. Can you say "CLASSY!"
- When I have my coming out party (for my book) I think I want my theme song to be Diana's "I'm Coming Out!"
- My daughter had her 3 month booster shots yesterday. I must say she took it like a champ. She wasn't too fussy. I didn't get the urge to cry until after the fact as she turned red from crying so much. By the time we got back home she was knocked out. 24 hours later and she is chipper as a bird churping at daybreak. I still have to keep watch over her though...just to make sure no fevers creep up on her.
- My nails look autrocious (did I spell that right?)
- JM and I had another one of our talks on the 4th. I swear she is truly that extra push I need that stays constant. I'm trying to sit still in a corner long enough to figure out a few plans of action.. as far as my writing. Everything is right in front of me, it's a matter of organizing.
- JM reminded me.. I'm truly not a 9 to 5 person and she admited that it pains her when I tell her that I've applied to yet another job. I know I'm not a 9 to 5 kinda gal. I know I should be doing a lot on my own with this writing. I think I'm a bit scared to, because of fear of failing.
- I feel of another leap of faith coming on. It took a lot to part ways with the (comfortable) life I had for a while.. back in the latter part of 2005. It was for the better. It was scary, but the "unknown" is always gonna be that way.
- I think my deceased great-grandmother, Granny, is back. She is living as the soul of my daughter. I'll wait for confirmation.
-Okay.. Papi... you were right. I tried to deny it.. but yeah.. I do miss you. You called it. You said one day I will miss you. So.. you HAPPY NOW? (insert smiley face with tongue sticking out)
- I'm scared to cut my daughter's nails. She won't hold still long enough and what if I accidently cut too far? *YIKES!*
- I need to hurry up and own MY house. I'm dying to have a nice BBQ or Pole Dancing Party.
- Comedy Central's show Lil Bush is really funny.
- I seriously need to have that heart to heart with Aunt P about her "boyfriend". How low can you go to take a kid's bike?
- I still desire to go to Amsterdam, Cuba, Capetown, Brazil...Wondering who will come with me.
Okay.. I think the fart is over...
Break out the insense.
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