Things are still a bit rough around me; as far the construction and my grandmother's depression. Still life is moving and so am I. I woke up feeling happier, lighter. I'm eager to reexamine old options and seek new ones. Earlier this week I made the trek across town, with the Snickerdoodle in tow, to my school. Once again I attempted to re-enroll. However, as I figured since I never heard back from them when I applied online in February, I have a delinquent balance.

$1,903.00 to be exact.

Thus placing a big fat HOLD on my student account, record, etc.  Apparently, during my last semester there my student loans didn't cover ALL of my tuition.

Ok... breathe.

Normally, I would have walked away feeling discouraged and taking it as another sign that school.. at least college just wasn't in the cards for me. Each time that I have gone to school with all over my gusto I managed to fall short and end up burnt out and worn out before seeing the finish line. I've been staring my last year... just one year... in the face for so long that it hurts sometimes to think that I have yet to completed my Bachelors. However, on Tuesday, I didn't feel defeated. I kept looking at my daughter's eyes and said

"I got to do this for the both of us."

I talked with the financial counselor, who was so into cooing and talking with the Snickerdoodle, and I found that all I need to do is make the payment through a cashier's check or money order for the HOLD to be removed IMMEDIATELY, especially with a November deadline approaching to register for the spring. If it is done through a personal check then there is a 45 to 50 day waiting period for everything to be cleared. What was funny was the fact that I seemed to be so mission oriented and eager to leave her office that she slowed me up a few times. I'm guessing just to catch a breather. She was really nice, and basically a stark contrast to what I had been use to from the folks in the administration building all those years. They were forceful voices that went along with folks who had no clue in what they were doing.

Considering the past when it came to school, my mother and money, I was very reluctant to go home and face the music. I basically felt I needed some sense talked into me in asking my parents for the money to pay off the balance and then I can move forward with enrollment and applying for another loan. Over and over, a voice in my head told me to just ask, and that it was ok.

Later in the evening when both of my parents were together I asked. Naturally, my father responded with

"Metro is hiring. You can drive a bus."

I half expected this answer from him, especially since weeks before an older brother called him to ask for assistance with his rent. My father showed tough love and basically told my brother that he is grown and needed to figure that out for himself. In so many words he used that same "love" on me.  

As for my mother, education is no joke with her, which is why I do feel blessed to have been raised in a house hold where education is on the top of the list of things to accomplish. I can't wait to REALLY enforce the same value to my daughter. My mother looked a woeful, but she heard me out. She asked why did I wait until now for this. My heart started to sink a bit, because in an instant I thought about all of the money that is going into the renovations and new furniture that we do need. Me asking for money for school, meant that she would have go back and recalculate the budget.

In the end, she told me she would revisit the option in September.

All I could do was say ok and move on to another topic.

I keep repeating to myself one of the key points from Sunday's sermon from the guest preacher at my aunt's church.

Every Blessing Has An Issue. Be Consistent In Your Prayer. 

I'm going back to school. I don't know how or when, but I'm going. I have a lot of people in my corner cheering me on to not go back.

MY ideal would be to scure a full time position that is decent in pay and pay off the balance myself. We shall see. I'm still checking freelance and full time opportunities. I'm visiting some options and hoping to discover new ones. I'm a fighter, I know this.  Sometimes I just have to cry, bitch, moan and wail a bit to get out my frustration before moving forward. It's healthy as long as I don't revisit the past and wallow in my pity.  

Today is not the day for that. Today is made for productivity and rejoicing.

I've been working on composing a poem/prose that has been stuck in my head for a week.  I've been paying attention CNN's week long special report on Black in America and feeling inspired especially on the segments on single mothers and sucssesful single black women - Kudos to Soledad O'Brien. I've been sleeping a little better as I've been turning in a bit earlier than usual.

I just feel great.

I feel happy. 

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Ten years ago this year I graduated from high school.

My next door neighbor "K" is a senior at my alma mata.  Ironically her aunt is the music/choir instructor there - thanks in part to my mom who told her about the opening during my freshman year when the janky instructor at the time was being a bit of a scatter brain.

Lately I've been taking a special notice in K.  It's hard to believe she is the same "girl" who would stick up under her aunt during our choir rehearsals. This is same chic that would get a kick out of my father's antics and would bring him a small token back from her family vacation. In a way I've unspokenly called her my little sis, especially since her schooling sorta followed in my foot steps.  Aside from  high school, she also attended the same elementary/jr high I attended.

Nevertheless, I've taken some joy or delight in watching K grow up before my eyes. I've figured this must be what it felt like for my long time neighbors to watch me grow in front of them. Proud and filled with a sense of pride. I'm even more excited for K as prom time is coming up. By my calculations (and if the school still runs on the same "graduation schedule") prom should either be this weekend or next. Graduation should be three weeks away.

In silently traveling the senior year journey with K, I can't help but to revisit some of my own feelings about my high school experience, especially as my class reunion is set for July. A couple of inquires have been sent to me via email or MySpace asking if I will be in attendance. I answered an old friend back via MySpace by telling her that most likely not. I hope to be doing some traveling around that time.  Another old friend, who I was close with back then and reconnected with via the internet, is a part of the committee. She's been keeping me informed of what's what - not to mention the postcard mailer and the reunion package sent to my house.  Then just the other day, a third friend sent me an email asking would I be there. I haven't responded.

My feelings about high school are very indifferent. Yes, there are a few people I would love to see again - mainly the few folks that survived high school with me. However, I really didn't like high school.  It was a Catholic institution with a diverse group of students but majority Black. We were probably considered the most (or perhaps one of the) ghetto schools in the Archdiocese. I say that in light of some of the "upper crust Catholic schools" I battled with on the tennis court during my time on the varsity tennis team. A lot of us (students) came from a decent background or home life and yet I still didn't like the school. For a while I use to think it was because of the people in the school. Something about everyone urk'd my very nature. I use to think "this one" was too childish or "that one" was spoiled beyond belief. I hated the cliques that presented itself during freshman and sophomore year and believe me by junior year I found myself shaking my head at a lot of dissovled friendships. 

No. I wasn't any kind of outcast or some reject that everyone ignored. No, I wasn't popular, but I had friends and I got along with most.  I stayed quite, only trusting a couple, and even then I wasn't all that telling. I was active in choir, tennis and was delighted when I did the photography class and helped out with the year book. Being an aspiring writer, I even helped to come up with something (a passage) to be painted on the school's shed (it's a senior tradition to paint the shed reflecting the school and class spirit of the current senior class)

Still I couldn't stomach high school. I now realize I was expriencing a (perhaps) pre mature growing pain... or maybe not. I blame my Aquarius nature - the wise beyond years "fluff" - because I was soooooooo ready to move on to the next phase of my life. By then I was working part-time in the federal government and I was looking forward to college..more so the (so-called) going away part of college. High school, though it had its excitement, bored me and frustrated me.  Also, I was partially "home-sick," meaning I was missing my "REAL" classmates that I had literally grown up with from Pre-k to 8th grade and desperately tried to stay in contact with. I managed to hold onto one, who after to all these years she still calls me her best friend and I do the same - even in our time of open space as we grew into adulthood.  

It was eneivitable. I was growing up. No turning back.

By my senior year I was in my own world. I still managed to function in school, but slightly talking less to my friends, which prompted some of them to wonder what was up with me and even lightly tease me for being so... "aloof."

After the research paper, finals, prom and graduation I was rid of "them." The class of 1998.

Every once in a while I would bump into someone. On my college campus. At my old OBGYN. At a grocery store. At Ben's Chilli Bowl @ 4 am after a night of clubbing. At the club. Online. On the subway train to work. At the mall.

Then MySpace happened.

(Curse Tom for creating such a daft site)

I won't lie. I was curious to know who turned out to be what and doing what close to ten years later. I sent  a couple of request. Virtually befriended some. Some sent a request to me. Perhaps a few I was shocked that they remembered me. I approved their request. Then some time later I began to get a funny feeling.  It was almost as if I were back in high school again. However, that feeling wasn't just contained to my old classmates, it was really for the whole site.

Then 2008 rolled in with announcements on the reunion.

When the talks first developed about the reunion, for a minute (just a minute) I contemplated on my attendance. Would I really care to see these folks again? In all honesty, no. Other than the couple of friendships from high school that managed to maintain after, I have no connection to my old classmates.

I feel "aloof" again as the excitement around the reunion builds.

I'm sure it will be a swell time for those involved, but I wish to do other things.

High school is so past tense in my book.

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The public school system in the District of Columbia is in need of serious reform. This is a given.

Building repairs
Lack of funds
Low security staff
Etc, etc, etc,

Still, it seems that no one has the capacity or the know how to bring forth the needs of the system, while keeping the children first. Once Adrian Fenty was elected Mayor and took office a year ago, he was immediate in making some changes, but were they all for the better?  Among his abrupt change was firing the current superintendent of DC public school, renamed the position as "chancellor" and naming Michelle Rhee, an Asian, who only spent two years in a classroom before starting her own education consulting business. I mention her race, because though the culture of DC is slowly changing from "chocolate city" to a "melting pot", the majority of the students in the public school system still are Black. So yes, there is a culture (that does go beyond racial bounds) within the school system that perhaps Rhee and her (new) staff may not even understand. Various mishaps have occurred since she took office and I'm sure she is feeling the heat.

As Marion Barry, who sits on the city council representing Ward 8 (a ward that includes a majority of the city's low income residents), expained today - Rhee may have all these wonderful ideas, but she is a terrible manager.

Off and on, I've been watching the public hearing on an ongoing issue. School closures. Students, parents and community leaders are in an uproar because of the dictative - between Rhee and Fenty -  decision to close 23 schools, without consultanting the parents, students and teachers. The only reason that stands out (so far) for the closings is because of their low enrollment. Nothing else was considered. Originally, the schools were to close this month - January, the middle of a school year. However, I guess that was changed once the parents, students, school staff and communities got wind of the news - which initial broke via the Washington Post and not directly from the Chancellor's office to the community. That was a blow that sincerely hurt.

NO ONE was told, not even city council memebers, until someone picked up an article in the Washingon Post. That was a month or two ago. Immediately after that blow, Rhee had to appear before the city council to explain herself. I can say that was an interesting hearing to see.

"Lucy you have some 'splainin' to do!"

Today everyone gets to voice their concern, opinion, outrage, and plea their arugements as to why their school should remain open.  It's after 8 pm and the hearing is still going. It's been all day.

There are so many critical issues to consider in the plan to close the schools on the list, take those students and dump them into another school (aka consolidation).

1. There is the issue of academic programs offered through a school that is proposed to close. No one on the Chancellor's staff or the Chancellor herself has bothered to look into if their academic programs are effective.

2. Though enrollement may be down, has anyone bothered to look around and see what new developments are coming up around the school? New housing developments seems to be constantly sprouting throughout this city. I'm sure kids will be a part of these new communities and who is to say that thanks to the new communities the schools won't swell with students. Speaking of developments, some expressed concerned that if a school is closed that a developer is going to move in, convert the building into luxury lofts/condos..what have you.  It has happened!  

3. When you talk about consolidation, certain neighborhood kids don't mix. Unfortunately, like any other urban areas, DC does have its share of neighborhood turf "wars." Yes it can get violent and ugly. Someone needs to evaluate what schools can and cannot mix very closely.

4. Transportation inconviences to parents who may end up sending their kid(s) to an out of bounds school.

So why do I care? I'm not an educator. My child is not even school-age. I'm not even connected.......then again. I am connected. My mother is a retired assistant principal of the DC public school system. My godfather is a retired principal of the DC public school system. My extended family (close friends of my mother) are retired educators in the DC public system, with one still remaining as a principal of the night school end of a high school.

Since my mom has been retired, her and I speak often about the system...how all of the good, solid and caring educators left the system because it started to fail them. The children are suffering because of inexperience educators or those lack the capacity to sincerely care for them. She mentions frequently of the few good lone soliders that are still around, but they are either up for retirement or looking for other options just to escape the craziness of the system.

She event mentioned a military "militant" who was once the superintendent. The system ran smoothly under him. There was a lady she mentioned, who also ran things smoothly. However, something happened along the way when someone else came in. I guess priorities changed when money became an issue.  Before I knew it, my mother was coming home from work fuming about how some parents were withdrawing their child out of the school to place into a charter school.  Funny thing is, charter schools were/aren't cracked up as they make them out to be. Most parents end up pulling their child out of a charter school to put them back into a public school, especially after discovering that a charter school isn't accredited.

As I told my mother in a previous discussion, I just wish I had enough experience, manpower and money to pull together a solid public relations team. I firmly believe that DCPS needs a firm PR department to impliment a fool-proof strategy to get the enrollment numbers needed.  High enrollment, will attract new programs... funds will be needed.. funds can be supplied.. and boom..

Yet that is only in a perfect world.

If that is the case.. there is still another issue at hand it....test scores.

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Vintage - Me, circa 1980

I feel fine, but I feel like crap.

Cold still persist even though I took one Benadryl tablet the other night.  I feel 50% better.  The other 50? Maybe I'll knock it out tonight with another tablet.

My doctor's visit went okay yesterday.  I just grew weary of giving up another urine sample (more to come) and more blood. All in the name of gestational diabetes.  I'll have the results in a week. Baby seems to be fine otherwise. Had a chance to hear the heartbeat.  Amazing of what is inside of me.

I'm having brunch on Sunday with a few friends.  This will be interesting.  Funny how all of my friends are claiming this child. Female friends wanting to be aunties and male friends wanting to be everything.... the daddy...the uncle... godfather. I'm appreciative of those that check on me every now and then, but I can't help but wonder how long will all of this attention last.  Will it continue even after it's born?

I had a nice talk with my godfather about a week ago.  I had been dying to tell him the news since I found out, but I just couldn't find the right time.  He had taken ill around the time I received the news in October.  Since that time he had been in and out of the hospital.  I didn't want to tell him while he was sick, especially since he is dealing with a heart condition.  I don't know.. but news about pregnancy can cause some interesting reactions. I just didn't want to take the chance with him and his heart and all. Nevertheless, I finally came around to telling him last week.  Surprised but not all that surprised... he knew.  Apparently my mother told him just before he had gone into the hospital.

We talked for about an hour about how happy he was for me and how he knew the child is blessed. Of course being the man of education he is (he is a a retired principal of a DC public junior high school, a Dr. of Education, a college professor at George Mason) he talked to me about how would I finish my Bachelor's degree.  We had this talk before, but it was during a time of turmoil in my college "career."  To this day, he still doesn't know the full story of why I decided to "take a break."

In my discussion with him last week, I told him I still desire to go back to finish out that one little semester and that I was working (baby stepping) on the process of getting this done. He's never come down harsh on me about my education, but in his own little loving authoritian way let me know that getting at least my BA is a must. Hell, I know how important it is!!!! My mother is a retired Assistant Principal of a DC public school, most of her close friends are all educators in either the DC school system or the neighboring PG County system in Maryland. Education has ALWAYS been a driving force in my life.  Maybe that's just it! by the time I reached college I was so burnt out and pressured to go into college that when I got there my brain went haywire.  I couldn't handle it after a certain point.  It's not that I didn't like attending the The Black Harvard (Howard - seriously their curriculum is modeled after Harvard University hence (one of) the nickname). I will always cherish the academic side of Howard, especially in the journalism and English departments. Being taught by former Heart and Soul Magazine Editor Yanick Rice Lamb, Washington Post Editor Bob Asher, poet Tony Medina and author E.R. Braithwaite (To Sir With Love) just doesn't get any better. Yet, I digress.

As my godfather continued to talk to me, of course he brought up the fact that finishing school is now more important than ever, especially since it's not about me anymore.  Advancing my education can only help enhance my child's life. I understood fully where he was coming from, especially as I'm still hunting for a better job. Funny, my resume speaks with a mix of both journalism/writing experience and education.  However, sometimes I wonder if I miss the mark a few paces because I don't have a degree listed on my resume.  Sure, I go have interviews.. maybe two or three.... yet I'm not chosen.

At any rate, I'm very determined to go back to finish, I just have to work twice has hard to be motivated to do so. After talking with my godfather, I felt a sense of renewal. I love our talks.  It's not hard to see that he will also be this child's godfather.

Speaking of education and my child.  I worry about my child's education even though it hasn't made its appearance yet.  So much to think about, especially when living in a city where the public school system is kind of failing.  With the new mayor, Adrian Fenty, talking about following the New York City model, I'm not so sure. Fenty wants to take control of the school system and have the school board serve as some kind of an advisory board.  Again, I'm not so sure about this.  DC is not like any regular city.  For one we are a FEDERAL district and not a state. There is so much to this that people who aren't born and raised here just don't get it.  Fenty, while he is a native Washingtonian I still don't believe he has a clue about how to run this city. Again.. I'll digress.

Oh I was talking about the school system. Well as far as following another city's model, it's a bit shaky.  Especially if you are talking about adopting a bigger city's model into political system as unique as DC is. Again, we are not like any other city.   

So where will my child go for its education? 

Perhaps private school...

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