There's something to be said about the kindness of strangers, espcially when their good deed makes you cry on site and even later.
I'll get to my kind stranger in a moment. First I must explain the events of yesterday.
The Snickerdoodle is sick with a mild stomach virus. It started with her awakening yesterday a bit whiney and after her breakfast I felt her tummy. She was warm. I gave her a shot of of Tylenol and sent her to bed. About and hour later she threw up. Nervous and on the verge of tears I called her doc. At first I scheduled her appointment for today. After she threw up twice more (back to back) I called the doc back and was told to come right away.
The good thing is, her doc (who is my old pediatrician) is literally up the street and around the corner from the house. So I threw some clothes on (smelling like sour baby puke - on yeah she got me good all three times), threw some clean pjs on the Snickerdoodle and wrapped her up in blankets.
Sidebar: Sitting in the doctor's waiting area was a bit comical as I watched thee kindergaten boys and a young girl interact with each other.
Boy 1 was playing a handheld game.
Boy 2 offered to show Boy 1 some of the secrets to the game
Boy 1: "Maaaan. My sister plays this game and she is always trying to tell me what to do. She got a big mouth. She gets on my nerves."
Boy 3 takes a deep breath and goes: "I got a godsister. She's in college. She gets on my nerves too, because everytime she comes home she always wanna kiss me.
Boy 2: "I got a godsister too. (looks at his mother). Ma! don't I got a godsister? Don't I? Say yes... "
Little girl comes running from the back in her school uniform and band-aids on her arm: "I got a shot. I got two shots!!!"
Boy 3: "Did it hurt?"
Little girl looks as if she is contemplating her answer: "Yes... no.... well it hurt just a litte bit."
For a moment I turn my attention away. When I get a minute to look up, I see the little girl with the handheld game. I wish I could have taken her picture because she looked like a little lady. She was sitting in this litte tike chair, legs crossed and playing the game. It was a sight to see.
As the doctor is evaluating the Snickerdoodle, he asked me how was MY stomach. I told him I felt fine. Then he asked if we had been around people this weekend. I mentioned we did attend a funeral on Saturday.
Ah Ha! The Funeral!
Sidebar: Something must had been air born, because not only is the Snickerdoodle sick, so are four of my cousins, my father, my grandmother and even myself - enduring a fever and feeling dizzy as I'm typing this. I didn't start to feel bad until later yesterday, into the night.
So yeah, she caught a bug from being around everyone on Saturda. The doc informed me that I must keep pumping the Snickerdoodle with some Pedialyte to keep her hydrated. So it was off to CVS.
First of all, I don't know why I went to the CVS near my house. I hate it! They are super slow and there is never more than one cashier at the counter. With the Snickerdoodle in my arms crying (because she really isn't feeling well) I was doing all I could to comfort her while standing in line, waiting for the cashier to make up his mind as to if he wanted to tend to the waiting customers.
Enters my stranger.
An older looking lady was standing in line in front of me. I was on the verge of tears cause my daugher was sick and I couldn't do much about it, the CVS cashier was horribly slow and I was beginning not to feel so hot myself. All I wanted to do was get home, get some Pedialyte into my child and send us both to bed. The lady looked at my daughter and asked, "She's not feeling well?"
I shook my head no.
The cashier finally decides to tend to (us) customers. The lady tells him to wait on me first.
"Ring her up first. She has a sick child."
There!
That one simple act of kindness alone was the tear breaker.
I couldn't stop thanking her.
I got home and broke out in tears.
"Angels watching over me. Angels watching over me."
Kindness, no matter how small or simple the gesture, goes a long way.
As for the progress on the Snickerdoodle... her fever is gone, but she's still a bit drowsy.. only wanting to sleep. She perks up every now and then attempting to play, but realizing playing may be too much for her right now. I hate to sick her like this - and yes being a first time mom I do cry every now and then because I'd rather have her being her jovial self.
Still, she's not completely out of the woods.
As for me... I need to go lay down somewhere before I get worse.
Yesterday I stumbled upon an old gospel favorite, Richard Smallwood, by way of Sharon B's blog. I grew up listening to his music and even performing some of his songs with my elementary and high school choirs. I became an even greater fan when I realized he is a fellow DC native and I knew his tailor - the tailor designed some clothes for my mom.
Thoughout his music career, there is only one song that can manage to bring me to tears everytime I hear it.
"Angels"
I would play the song out to death. I feel sorry for the casette tape. I think I wore out the wheels. Nevertheless, I ended up crying again yesterday. After viewing the clip of Smallwood and the group Vision performing "Total Praise" (another beautiful song) on Sharon's blog, I searched You Tube (of all places) to find Angels. What's even more amazing is.. after spewing my own thoughts yesterday about avoiding my birthday, I received a comment from my friend WOE. I had to smile and nod as I knew she was right and the comment was a reminder of what I suddenly forgot.
WOE:
"Can't figure out what the big deal is. I understand not necessarily being where you want to be, I think being a good parent is one of the best things you could EVER do in life, but there is still time to do so much, why trip about what's inevitable, with God's grace?"
I want to thank WOE and Sharon B for the reminders. So today.. I want to dedicate "Angels" by Richard Smallwood with Vision to you.
Also, as always.. Thank you Lord for presenting reminders.
*getting kleenex*
With only about a week to go, I feel like I'm facing dooms day. Before last week I was frequently forgetting my approaching birthday. So many thoughts at once consuming me, when did I have time to think about such an event? Besides, I'm too worried about what I'm going to do for the Snickerdoodle's first birthday taking place in March. Yet, as subtle reminders are coming at me from all angles - friends asking me what's up, family members asking me if I want them to keep the Snickerdoodle so I can go out, sly remarks about growing old, hearing T making plans for her own birthday - I'm forced to face it.
February THE 8th.
So what's the big deal? I'm not quite 30 yet, but I'm past the 25 mark. I'm not so sure why my body or my mind is not trying to own up to this day. Today I Finally I noticed how I'm avoiding THE 8th like the plague. Today when I thought about my birthday a strange feeling come over me and I suddenly felt a little choked or suffocated. Actually it was more like a jolt within my insides and my heart started to pump a little faster causing my breaths to feel a lil choppy - hence the sudden choked up feeling. Do I need to see a cardiologist or am I on the verge of a panic attack?
What's crazy is, a few weeks ago I left a comment on a blog entry of one of my fellow readers. She seemed a bit lament about turning 50. In so many words I told her to feel blessed about her age, especially since she has a spirit of aging gracefully. It's crazy because, there I was a 20 something year old encouraging someone who is 30 something years her senior about her age - telling her to embrace it with love. Yet, I'm avoiding mine for whatever reason and can't seem to grasps the notion that time is not standing still for me.
For the last few years I've been living a life of ... well... living. However, I wonder how much living am I actually doing?
I hate it when I fall into the rut of examining things I've done and things I can do but haven't done. Of course the best course of action is to.. well TAKE ACTION. In my case, I've taken action but have left many things undone. I would like to think I'm the gal who finishes what she starts. However, I'm scared that it may be all fluff with me. Suddenly I feel this inner fear that what if I'm the gal with all these big ideas and dreams in her head, but it turns out I'm the exact person that I've been fighting not to become.
The person being... the average chic that is out here with just a 9 to 5, comes home, tends to her child, pays bills, goes out once in a blue moon (for special occasions only) and just living day to day.. not really living to her full potential.
This fear, sadly, didn't just come about. I believe it has always been here, but it's starting to rear its ugly head at this point in my life.
After reading the current issue of Essence Magazine with Tyra Banks on the cover, I have soooo much respect for Tyra. Even though the article is not real in depth about what Tyra is experiencing at this current point in time of her life, I appreciate some of her comments, especially concerning what has been a motivation behind all that she does. Basically she says it's her fear that pushes her to the point where it's as if she HAS to work as hard as she does. What's her fear? I gather from when she briefly talked about her background; how her parents got a divorce and her father kept the house, leaving her mother with two kids to live in a small 2 bedroom apartment in South Central Los Angeles. Her mother slept on the living room floor - Trya's fear is going back to having no type of security from the one she has built for herself.
My respect for Tyra comes from her insistence of turning her fear into a motivation. I'm sure I can do with the same with this nagging fear or fears that plague me. However, with the respect I have for her, I don't want my life to make a slight fill-in-a-void turn. Within the article, Tyra also mentions how since she has moved to New York she does feel a sense of loneliness. During the day she is working and interacting with a lot of people, but when the lights and cameras are off she goes home alone to no one.
Loneliness is totally a different topic altogether for me. For the most part I believe I have it licked, being that I don't indulge and wallow in it like I use to, by seeking a filler for the void. Still, loneliness does creep in every once in a blue moon, and of course it's not a good feeling. Tears somehow find a way to flow real freely during those points.
Where was I going with this entry?
Well.. back to my birthday... I'm not sure how I want to celebrate this one, if at all. I was just on my instant messenger having a conversation with Rah. I was telling her that I finally realized what I would like to have as a gift.
A make over...
A couple of new outfits, with some nice shoes.
A day at the spa for a hot stone massage and a good facial, with a pedicure and manicure to boot.
A fresh hair style.
Rah: "awww that would be nice for u"
Indeed it would be... if only I can stop trying to avoid it.
On a somewhat related note:
I read my horoscope for today.
Aquarius:
Quickie:
Deal with your deep feelings about your career. Talk to someone who's been there.
Overview:
Reach out to someone you don't know very well -- or with whom you've been feuding. Today brings just the right energy to make strong connections with those who are far removed from your daily life.
Interesting to say the least. Part of what I vox'd about just now has to deal with my feelings on being "this" writer.
Emotionally "spent" would be the phrase for today...maybe for the week. I've not long returned from the funeral of Mona's 4 month old son. Though she seems to be in good spirits, there is still something about the seeing the site of a small casket in front of an alter. I was even reluctant to go to the grave site, but I did just to make sure that Mona knew I was behind her (literally). Aside from attending today's funeral, the very core of my soul was shook up this morning when I received an unsuspecting phone call. Maybe I'll be write about that later. Maybe not. Part of me really doesn't want to waste energy on such a...well waste.
Even aside from THAT, I've been on my soap box for much of the week. Actually this is why I wanted to blog today, just to share (and document) what I've been virtually vocalizing on the proverbial soap box.
The first issue of course is concerning the whole Hillary vs. Barak (or vice versa) situation. An off topic question was thrown around the circle of one of my online writing groups; the question being if the Democratic primary elections were at that moment who would we vote for. I wrote back that I would go for Hillary hands down...no questions asked and I went on my soap box then. However, it wasn't until someone mentioned that they didn't think Hillary was meant to be the "driver seat" and they were going for Barak, that my catankers started to move. I stayed quiet, being cautious to respect their opinion. However I guess I couldn't contain it, especially after watching the debate in Myrtle Beach the other night. So when the opportunity arouse I climbed back on my box.
My response:
*getting on my soap box for a min*
I saw it (Hill on Tyra's show) and yes she was phenomenal. As for any comments she's made about Obama.. it's simply her defending herself against attacks.
And yes.. I truly believe what Bill Clinton as had to say.. This is a fairy tale (for Barak Obama). And Bill didn't mean it in a way to discourage or take away from the fact that a Black person is running. He's simply stating the reality.... the reality being that a lot of Obama's supporters are caught up in the HYPE of him, but aren't really listening to what's really important. Obama isn't ready. As I stated before people want to be quick and mention the word change with Obama, but haven't clearly stated what that change should be other than the fact "America is ready for a Black President" People PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE don't believe the hype. Right now America is in a damaged and fragile state. Yes a change is needed.. a change from Dubya. Yet, this election is too important just to hand over a vote for someone simply opposite of what a President should be and has been for years. This election is too important to be about race trumping gender and so forth.
As I stated before, I've been following the debates... including last night's Democratic debate in Myrtle Beach. It pains me that people aren't really reading between lines, listening and of course watching. Last night's debate (as with all the others) clearly proves that Obama isn't ready.
He isn't for universal healh care...
As Hillary and John Edwards brought up... Obama has voted on various/numberous issues on the Congressional floor as "present" meaning it isn't a yes or a no on an issue.. it's a maybe. So that clearly says right what I've been stating all along... Obama isn't that confident. I see it in the debates as he struggles to find the right words.
What should be the kicker are foreign policy issues. What experience or knowledge does Obama has in this arena as a first year Senator? This is KEY. Thanks to Dubya all of America's intergity just went to hell in a handbasket on the express. We don't need another Dubya (Democrate or Republican) Honestly I'm not sure what John Edward's experience on this lies.
However as for Hillary.... true her husband ran this country, but people don't give her credit. Again, as I stated before if you ever read her biography, even saw documentaries on her and listened to these debates... Aside from being this highly intelligent woman she's been busy. When Bill first took office, he wanted her to head up or be an advisor for health care issues, but silly White Men weren't going for that, but she didn't stop pushing. From day ONE of Bill's up and coming days as Govenor of Arkansas, Hillary has been busy, fighting for causes for the EVERYDAY person. She'did it before Bill got into office, While in office and after leaving office. Yet, people don't know this because they don't take the time LEARN which they either don't care for. She was right there with her husband meeting with these foriegn powers.
What was a another kicker, which came out in last night's debate she knew that Dubya was tryna pull an underhanded tactic to pull the US into a bind with foriegn powers without going through Congress first. Hence why Bush was making pop up visits to Middle East all of the sudden. She repeated a policy that she knew that Bush is/was blantingly trying to ignore. She knows her stuff.
It should have sent a message when the Bhutu, the former Prime Minister of Pakistan was recently assasinated that Hillary had a thing with foriegn powers. She was the only one out of that sect of candidates that could say she knew the lady PERSONALLY and as a leader.
Honestly, I hope what happened during Jesse Jackson's run for President happens to Obama. That he looses out on being the candidate for the Democratic party. I think Obama needs to take a serious look at himself and find that humble place from which he came from. He obviously no match for Hillary's 35 years of political experience. He's just running on fairy dust and a mirage of a dream. The arrogancy that he has built up is enough to make my blood boil. I wish I could remember which interview it was, but someone asked him would he consider being Vice President. He flat out said no, not realizing if he was to beomce Vice President that's knowledge right there... that's hands on training. But he doesn't see it that way. It's either "all or nothing." I could take such comment from someone who has more poltiical experience, but not from someone who is only in his first year and only year thus far as a Senator.
What scares me, especially listening to some comments of Obama supporters that are around my age (late 20s early 30s), is the fact that they are voting based on their undefined or unclear definition of change or the fact that race should't matter so they simply voting for Obama just to make some political point that Black person can get this.
The whole country is at stake here. Whomever gets in office can either make us or break us further. Be wise people. The truth is right there in our face, but sadly some are too blind to see it. Obviously (well to me anyways) this is a no brainer.
okay... I'm off the box.
Issue two came when another question was asked of the group. It was a question that was reflective of the martin Luther King Jr. Holiday. As the civil rights era was the movement of his time, what is a movement of our time?
My response....
I feel like I shoud be writing a worthy blog entry, but my mind and heart isn't in it at the moment. I'm still sorting some thoughts and feelings in regards to the slow and sudden death of my cousin, other family matters, my own personal mission, completing an anothology submisssion and etc. Intstead, I'm doing a repost that is pretty thought provoking. I dug it up after going back to past entries in another blog.
So until I feel like writing a full fledge blog again... I present "To Be Your Desire?" Originally written Friday, January 28, 2005.
"She looks a ghostly white. Like she is dying," explained D during her presentation in Feminist Philosophy.
Yesterday's topic: Prostitution, Pornography and Erotica.
Five years ago when I gazed upon this ad for Yves Saint Laurent's Opium perfume I was in awe. I was amazed at how, then 23 year-old, Sophie Dahl dares you to look at her. While British publications, and perhaps some American as well, were banning the ad, I had praised the strong sexual expression presented in the picture.
However, yesterday, my private praise I had for the Opium ad didn't seem to matter.
D was one of three people presenting on yesterday's topic. D's stance was trying to present some kind of reasoning behind pornography, what is actually considered porn, cultural aspects of sexuality as far as prostitution, porn and erotica, and of course.. relating all of this to women directly involved and those among the general public.
My eyes lit up when D pulled out the ad. To be honest I had long forgotten about it, until yesterday. She compared it to pieces or examples of renaissance art; naked women, posed in a sexual manner, but never looking or engaging eye contact with the artist. At that moment I remembered a discussion from a class took last semester, Black Women in Visual Culture, and how we talked about the voices of women were basically silenced in music videos, mainly the rap videos in which only their bodies are shown and almost never their face.
While D compared the Opium ad to the examples of artwork from the renaissance, she also added personal view of the ad. She commented on how the ad reminded her of death and how she really couldn't distinguish between pain or pleasure. Was Sophie Dahl in pain (dying) or was she in pleasure (in her orgasmic position)?
D was living in London around the time the ad appeared. She remembered the Opium ad campaign Saint Laurent had with Sophie as the subject.
"There were like several pictures of her where she was this ghostly white and she looked either drugged out or hyper sexed."
Being that I have never seen the full ad campaign I cannot form an opinion one way or another, but as far as the ad in question I still like it.
Being that real opium is a drug/posionoious that may explain the representation of the pale color of Sophie....I don't know....
I believe by nature I'm attracted to anything that is erotic (literature, pictures etc.) and I don't see it as vulgar, but artful. The same being true with the Opium ad. Maybe it's a secret desire of mine to actually be gazed upon. It may seem like I'm objectifying myself, but I believe it's the exhibitionist in me that feels this way.
Actually..in a way.. I feel like.. if I were exposed in such a manner it would release so many other inhibitions within me....it would help me get my point across...
For the book that I am writing, my ideas for my cover was inspired by photographer/artist/culture critic Carla Williams when I came across her self portrait entitled Venus. However, Carla Williams did the reversal with her portrait. She made herself subjective and not objective.
Ever been to a good party or had a real genuine good time at a club? I'm not talking about because you got wasted all night and did freaky sneaky things that you had a smashing time. I'm talking about when you went, mix and mingled and EVERYONE was about the music. It wasn't about profiling, spitting lame pick up lines or finding a conquest for the night. It was all about the POSTIVE energy, the dancing, making new friends/connections because of a common love.
I have.
I actually miss it. I long for it. Just once more.
Take me back a few years.
Home - Washington, DC
My friend Mona and I hit up a local reggae spot - The Kaffa House.
Outside of Mona, none of my friends share the same interest in reggae (roots rock) and dancehall.
We had arrived kind of early, but it was fine. It gave us time to "chill" and watch the sights entering the building. Midnight the place started jumping. Two o'clock the place was packed. Three o'clock we were rocking with some guys that traveled from New York City.
I was 20 and staying out until five in the morning was a new found thing.
A couple of years later.
Baltimore.
My friend Kel hosted her thirtyish-something birthday party at Downtown Southern Blues. It was small jazz restaurant/lounge located in the city's art district. Unfortunately, as new and nice at the place was, it didn't last long. The party, however, last well into the night and probably would have kept going until dawn if management would have allowed. I was somewhat a fish out of water, only knowing Kel. However by the end of the night I would have been introduced to her life long friend, internationally know DJ Karizma - yeah... the one of former Basement Boys production fame. I had also met a local author on the rise and other faces that have been a constant in Kel's life.
It was her Anthology party.
Again - it was looking like a 5 A.M drive up the DC/Baltimore Parkway back home.
Fast forward a few more years later.
New York City.
It was St. Patrick's Day weekend. Part of my stay in New York was to visit my cousin "T" in Brooklyn.
We spent much the day in Manhattan with a quick run to her place in Brooklyn. Later we met up in Times Square at the Fashion 40 Lounge. You would think with a name like that and it's location it would be stuffy and posh. True, there were people standing around, but after a while (and perhaps a few drinks) everyone was dancing. It was about the music.
Today... I want whoever finds and reads this to think back. Think back to the time of your life where you had genuine fun…where the atmosphere was positive and you felt this vibrant energy. You released all of your frustrations on the dance floor. It's almost as if you "went to church."
Today I'm thinking of the people who made those pilgrimages to The Shelter in NYC, Who came here to DC to party at Club Red (RIP), Five, DC Sanctuary, who went to Baltimore to catch Oji, Karizma, D-Low and others. For the followers of DC's Sam "The Man" Burns. For those that traveled to Chicago, Miami and London.
For my brother Chuck who knows were I'm coming from with this.
For the guy with dreads I met in Seattle, whose house party my family and I were invited to
For Kel who inspired me and re-introduced me to REAL house music.
For Karizma who spoke candidly to me, but I never got to publish his article.
For DJ Barry in the UK, we will meet up
For Ben Watt, whose music and mixes I'm addicted to
For those that don't understand my thoughts right now.
For wherever you found your good time and for some reason those days seem to be a faded memory.....
Weak Become Heroes
By The Streets
Turn left up the street
Nothing but grey concrete and dead beats
Grab something to eat
Maccy D's or KFC
Only one choice in the city
Done voice in my pity now lets get to the nitty gritty
Tune reminds me of my first e
Like unique still sixteen and feelin horny
Point to the sky feel free
A sea of people all equal smiles in front and behind me
Swim in the deep blue sea cornfields sway lazily
All smiles all easy where you from, what you on and what's your story
Mesmerizing tones risin pianos this is my zone so stop clonin
Pick paper scissors or stone
Coz me and you are same i known you all my life i don't know your name
The names European Bob sorted anyway
Gonna have dance now see you later please to meet you
Likewise a pleasure
We were just standin there mindin our own
And it went on and on
We all smile we all sing
The weak become heroes then the stars align
We all sing we all sing all sing
We were just standin there mindin our own
And it went on and on
We all smile we all sing
The weak become heroes then the stars align
We all sing we all sing all sing
The night slowly fades and goes slow motion
All the commotion becomes floatin emotions
Same piano loops over
Arms wave eyes roll back and jaws fall open
I see in soft focus
Chattin to this bloke in the toilets
Dizzy new heights blinded by the lights
These people are for life its all back to his place at the end of the night
They could settle wars with this
If only they will imagine the worlds leaders on pills then imagine the mornin after
Wars causing disaster don't talk to me i don't know ya
But this aint tommorow and for now i still love ya
Hours fly over sail round diamonds and pearls never seen so many fit girls
Discover new worlds look at my watch can't focus
Last two hours i lost every move fills me with lust
All of life's problems i just shake off
Mad little events happen things map out and a few blue maddens alight the toilets
Big beefy bouncers out to reveal us geezers on e's and first timers kids on whizz darlins on
Charlie
All come together for this party
All races many faces from places you never heard of
Where you from what's your name and what you want
Sing to the words flex to the fat one
The tribal drums the sun's risin we all smile we all sing
We were just standin there mindin our own
And it went on and on
We all smile we all sing
The weak become heroes then the stars align
We all sing we all sing all sing
We were just standin there mindin our own
And it went on and on
We all smile we all sing
The weak become heroes then the stars align
We all sing we all sing all sing
Then the girl in the cafe taps me on the shoulder
I realize five years went by I'm older
Memories smoulder winters colder
But that same piano loops over and over and over
The road shines and the rain washes away
The same Chinese takeaway selling shit in a tray
It's dark all round I walk down same sight same sounds new beats though
Solid concrete under my feet
No surprises no treats the world stands still as my mind sloshes round
The washing up bowl in my crown
My life's been up and down since i walked from that crowd
We were just standin there mindin our own
And it went on and on
We all smile we all sing
The weak become heroes then the stars align
We all sing we all sing all sing
We were just standin there mindin our own
And it went on and on
We all smile we all sing
The weak become heroes then the stars align
We all sing we all sing all sing
Outta respect for Jonnie Walker, Paul Oakenfold, Nicky Holloway, Danny Rampling, and all the peolple that gave us these times
And to the Government I stick my middle finger up with regards to the Criminal Justice Bill
For all the heroes I met along the way (The weak become heroes then the stars align)
We all sing we all sing all sing
The weak become heroes then the stars align
We all sing we all sing all sing
We were just standin there mindin our own
And it went on and on
We all smile we all sing
The weak become heroes then the stars align
We all sing we all sing all sing
Restless...maybe annoyed a little bit, but I'm definately restless. It's expected. I've been in the house all this week thus far. No place to go. No people to see. I feel bad though. I feel that I have to keep things moving for Snickerdoodle's sake. Granted she's only going on 10 months, but I want to keep her active as much as possible. I really dislike winter. I miss the sunshine and warmth.
What does a house along the equator go for?
And so, I've fallen into yet another routine.
*sucking teeth*
I hate routine. I hate it with a passion.
Breakfast for the Snickerdoodle, playtime with/for the snickerdoodle, domestic business until late afternoon, read a little just before dinner, sneak a quick nap while the snickerdoodle is calm, get up in time to hear the snickerdoodle whimper for dinner, fix snickerdoodle's dinner, if loving parents haven't cooked - cook for the whole family, wash dishes, bathe snickerdoodle, night time play with/for the snickerdoodle, sneak a check into the internet world, if snickerdoodle is fussy entertain her until she falls asleep, try to sleep after snickerdoodle knocks out, sometimes it works, other times I'm left to play by myself. inhale, forget not to exhale.
I will say I've managed to write something other than a blog entry these past few days. I'm working on a short deadline to submit to an anthology. I'm nervous about it. I'm praying it makes into the final selection. After completing this there are a couple more anthologies I want to submit to. My own solo novel - I need real special prayer for that. I have high motivation to finish the loose ends and complete my search for a literary agent. Then, as soon as that burst of motivation and energy gets here... it's gone as if the manuscript drains me everytime.
Either I shit or get off the pot.
Maybe I'm simply pushing myself too hard with this.... or that I'm truly a perfectionist in this effort that I'm driving myself bonkers.
There isn't much going on today. The snow came in from the southern states and finally landed here. I knew the indian summer we were having was too good to be true. As much as I dislike the winter and dispise the snow teasers (I prefer that if it snows it accumulates to be over 3 feet so nothing can move) - the snow does bring a sense of quiet to my neighborhood. The restless teens that dwell in the housing complex a block down from me seem to go inside and hide. Even the rowdy neighbors on my block seem to "shut up."
I'm not even going to mention the drama I witnessed at 2:30/3:00 am this morning - BS - as in Before Snow.
*sigh*
I just pray my neighbor's situation can work itself out.. somehow.
I plan to finish up the piece I'm working on and have one of the women in my writing group look it over for me. The Snickerdoodle is doing her usual - playing her mini piano and singing.
Maybe I do have an Alicia Keys on my hands.
I can expect my mother to fix chitlins later on - even though she is taking the shortcut with already cleaned and pre-packaged.
Yuck!
The smell alone makes me want to puke.
If this is the case.. more than likely I will have to fend for myself for dinner. I don't do chitlins. Now the qeustion remains.. what will I fix for dinner. I fried chicken last night.
Hmmm
This seems like a good lasanga day. Too bad I don't have all of the stuff.
The contractor should be here at any moment with more plans. Since our return from the Christmas trip to the mountains, my folks and I (mainly my folks) have been doing some major hualing and dumping of STUFF that was in the basement. Today the contractor has to do basement measurements and begin working on a floorplan. It's amazing, you live in a house for over 20 years and just collect and store things that ultimately wind up being "just junk." My mother found a social studies report she did in grade school. Too bad she tossed it away before I could get a look at it.
Anyone would think that with all the packing and hauling we've been doing that our portable storage unit would be full by now. Soooooooooooooo not the case. I realized that a lot of what we've been doing has been trashing a lot of items and bagging up old clothes, shoes, assesories, rugs, furniture, etc tht we don't use and donating them.
Can we say TAX WRITE OFF!
I'm a bit sadden though that a piece of history may be lost in the renovations. Horsey came with the house. When we moved in I was just a baby, but I grew to love Horsey. I rode him until I began to look like Baby Huey sitting on him. The little cuz got his fair share at playing with Horsey too. Or course I've been dying to know how The Snickerdoodle will react to him when she become big enough to sit on him. However, I think she may not get that opportunity. Horsey may have to go as we extend out.
The stomach is grumbling.
It must be lunch time.
Leftover baked chicken and rice.
In the meantime....
I think I have a call to make.
In talking with Suga Mama tonight she reminded me of my upcoming birthday.
What was sorta surprising was my immediate reaction to the mention of my birthday.
My inner thoughts: "Riiiiight I do have a birthday coming up. Opps!"
I've been so consumed with other thoughts lately, that I honestly forgot that in three weeks I'll be celebrating the big....(drum roll)........
2-8
Ok, so I'm still not quite 30. Therefore I really don't feel the need to go all out.
I'm not even sure what I want to do. Normally I try to get away from the area by traveling somewhere, even if it is only an hour outside of the city. However, this is a luxury I temporarily can't afford at the moment.
I would like to see Jill Scott again in March (two more shows were added). However, I'm not too sure about that and even still I won't be hurting if I didn't get to see her. I've seen her before in concert. She is awesome. I'm still savoring that experience.
Any who... I have a reason for not thinking about my birthday this year. The Snickerdoodle will be celebrating her first a month after mine. I still haven't the slightest clue about what to do for her.
As for me, I might take Suga Mama up on her offer to celebrate my birthday a couple of weeks early. Next Friday is suppose to be a small happy hour gathering for a mutual friend's birthday - talk about an Aquarius good ole time.
Anyways... what's so great about turning 28?
When I find out.. I'll be sure to let the world know.
The public school system in the District of Columbia is in need of serious reform. This is a given.
Building repairs
Lack of funds
Low security staff
Etc, etc, etc,
Still, it seems that no one has the capacity or the know how to bring forth the needs of the system, while keeping the children first. Once Adrian Fenty was elected Mayor and took office a year ago, he was immediate in making some changes, but were they all for the better? Among his abrupt change was firing the current superintendent of DC public school, renamed the position as "chancellor" and naming Michelle Rhee, an Asian, who only spent two years in a classroom before starting her own education consulting business. I mention her race, because though the culture of DC is slowly changing from "chocolate city" to a "melting pot", the majority of the students in the public school system still are Black. So yes, there is a culture (that does go beyond racial bounds) within the school system that perhaps Rhee and her (new) staff may not even understand. Various mishaps have occurred since she took office and I'm sure she is feeling the heat.
As Marion Barry, who sits on the city council representing Ward 8 (a ward that includes a majority of the city's low income residents), expained today - Rhee may have all these wonderful ideas, but she is a terrible manager.
Off and on, I've been watching the public hearing on an ongoing issue. School closures. Students, parents and community leaders are in an uproar because of the dictative - between Rhee and Fenty - decision to close 23 schools, without consultanting the parents, students and teachers. The only reason that stands out (so far) for the closings is because of their low enrollment. Nothing else was considered. Originally, the schools were to close this month - January, the middle of a school year. However, I guess that was changed once the parents, students, school staff and communities got wind of the news - which initial broke via the Washington Post and not directly from the Chancellor's office to the community. That was a blow that sincerely hurt.
NO ONE was told, not even city council memebers, until someone picked up an article in the Washingon Post. That was a month or two ago. Immediately after that blow, Rhee had to appear before the city council to explain herself. I can say that was an interesting hearing to see.
"Lucy you have some 'splainin' to do!"
Today everyone gets to voice their concern, opinion, outrage, and plea their arugements as to why their school should remain open. It's after 8 pm and the hearing is still going. It's been all day.
There are so many critical issues to consider in the plan to close the schools on the list, take those students and dump them into another school (aka consolidation).
1. There is the issue of academic programs offered through a school that is proposed to close. No one on the Chancellor's staff or the Chancellor herself has bothered to look into if their academic programs are effective.
2. Though enrollement may be down, has anyone bothered to look around and see what new developments are coming up around the school? New housing developments seems to be constantly sprouting throughout this city. I'm sure kids will be a part of these new communities and who is to say that thanks to the new communities the schools won't swell with students. Speaking of developments, some expressed concerned that if a school is closed that a developer is going to move in, convert the building into luxury lofts/condos..what have you. It has happened!
3. When you talk about consolidation, certain neighborhood kids don't mix. Unfortunately, like any other urban areas, DC does have its share of neighborhood turf "wars." Yes it can get violent and ugly. Someone needs to evaluate what schools can and cannot mix very closely.
4. Transportation inconviences to parents who may end up sending their kid(s) to an out of bounds school.
So why do I care? I'm not an educator. My child is not even school-age. I'm not even connected.......then again. I am connected. My mother is a retired assistant principal of the DC public school system. My godfather is a retired principal of the DC public school system. My extended family (close friends of my mother) are retired educators in the DC public system, with one still remaining as a principal of the night school end of a high school.
Since my mom has been retired, her and I speak often about the system...how all of the good, solid and caring educators left the system because it started to fail them. The children are suffering because of inexperience educators or those lack the capacity to sincerely care for them. She mentions frequently of the few good lone soliders that are still around, but they are either up for retirement or looking for other options just to escape the craziness of the system.
She event mentioned a military "militant" who was once the superintendent. The system ran smoothly under him. There was a lady she mentioned, who also ran things smoothly. However, something happened along the way when someone else came in. I guess priorities changed when money became an issue. Before I knew it, my mother was coming home from work fuming about how some parents were withdrawing their child out of the school to place into a charter school. Funny thing is, charter schools were/aren't cracked up as they make them out to be. Most parents end up pulling their child out of a charter school to put them back into a public school, especially after discovering that a charter school isn't accredited.
As I told my mother in a previous discussion, I just wish I had enough experience, manpower and money to pull together a solid public relations team. I firmly believe that DCPS needs a firm PR department to impliment a fool-proof strategy to get the enrollment numbers needed. High enrollment, will attract new programs... funds will be needed.. funds can be supplied.. and boom..
Yet that is only in a perfect world.
If that is the case.. there is still another issue at hand it....test scores.
I gained a few pounds.
I see it in my face, arms and hips.
Yet, I'm staring at these chocolate chip cookies from McDonald's.. ready to attack them at any moment.
My pants suit I wore today for an interview was tight.. well the jacket was.
Farewell size 14/16?
Ever get the feeling that you sold yourself short on an interview?
Do I really want the job? It's up my alley in the communications realm - I would get to write press releases, edit the company's newsletter and other publications and some of the same stuff I did when I was employed with Mr. Yellow, but the company seems sooo blah.
Why do they insist on asking you "What do you think your weaknesses are?" If it were me, I would have that question banned from the interview process.
I didn't answer at the time of the interview. I felt trapped.
I come home, hoping to redeem myself in a thank email to the lady - also pointing out some things that I missed in the interview.. as well as answering that "weak" question.
My weakness? like so many other women out here.. I'm Superwoman.
Hopefully, she will understand my argument and will feel compelled by my written words to hire me. After all, she seemed like the superwoman type. Hell, her child called on his way home from school while she was interviewing me. I loved it. She dropped everything she was doing to give her child attention. It reminded me so much of my old supervisor.. Ms. J. Ms. J's children were grown, but still any time her kids (or her elderly mother) would call.. she would drop everything to see what the matter was.
I can see Snickerdoodle calling me in the middle of the day just to say "hi mommy.. whatcha doing?"
The Snickerdoodle loves to talk.. and she's only 9 months!
She was just crying... vying for my attention. However, I'm washing her clothes, answering back some important emails and.....
Damn.. I feel a headache coming on.
The Snickerdoodle is quiet now...playing.
I finished Saturday's Child last night.
I cried for the later part of the book. Sara and I were so alike, but still different.
Actually an instance came up in the book I pondered over.
Rape.
Sara went through a vicious attack. I'm shocked at the detail the author (Gayle Jackson Sloan) illustrated through her words. A couple chapters over, Sara and her (soon to be) step daughter chit chatted about situations of rape. The notion "Forceful Persuasion" arose. Forceful persuasion is a type of rape in which the victim may not be brutally attacked, but controlled in such a way that they have to "give it up."
I pondered because.. though I never (and pray to God that I don't) went through a brutal attack, I can recall instances where I probably was put into a forceful persuasion.
I thought back to the interview Jill Scott did a couple of years ago with Sister to Sister magazine, in which she candidly talked about how she was involved with a guy, but she was forced to give it up via forceful persuasion. It was only during her walk home that she realized that something wasn't right about what went down.
I've even had friends disclose to me their situations.
Why are we put in these positions? How do we end up there?
*sigh*
I'm on my third cookie.
It's going on 4:30... time for Snickerdoodle's dinner soon.
Though it rained off and on, today was a beautiful day...
I can't wait for spring.
I want a new pair of shoes to feel pretty right now.